MetaFilter

Coatlicue wrote: "You've told him that it bothers you, and he doesn't care. Even if he's not cheating on you, that's pretty bad."

I just want to point out that if I indulged my SO's every irrational impulse, our relationship would have ended a long time ago. I tried that for a while, but it let the crazy out. Of course, I directly tell her I'm not going to do what she's asking because she's asking because of the crazy and not for any rational... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by wierdo at 12:34 PM on December 16, 2009

Why don't you just take a week off? You won't lose anything in a week and you'll feel better. And then see if it's gone. If you've been lifting every week for six months, a week off is a good idea anyways.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by creasy boy at 1:34 PM on December 11, 2009

If we're going to attack anyone with an outlying opinion and ask them to leave, why even have comments at all?
posted to MetaTalk by gjc at 6:35 PM on December 10, 2009

Now that this has about sewn up, I hope I can make an observation.

I am bothered by these threads because, among other things, I see another public space, another subject, where how to think seems to have quietly and totally succumbed to what to think.

I see that laundry lists of ideal generalizations remain the fundamental building block of discussion. I see that data that in any way alters their... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by kid ichorous at 11:15 AM on December 10, 2009

Just to speculate, is it possible that the reason for some of the weird misunderstandings in this thread are based on the deeply flawed implicit analogy between changing people's minds on Metafilter and political organizing in the real world? I mean, Abiezer's central point ought to be readily recognizable as a contribution to this discussion to anyone who's read much about these issues (in my imaginary Discussing Race, Class and Gender Playbook there is a chapter on... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by RogerB at 12:57 PM on December 7, 2009

Ah, it seems winter break has started. Hello, bored college kids! Let me tell you about painting rabbits.
posted to MetaTalk by frecklefaerie at 8:31 AM on December 7, 2009

In other words, it seems to me that it's the unpopularity of the view that makes it a derail, not the fact that it's not directly on the topic of violence against women. That seems unfair.

Trufax. It's also a bit frustrating when a comment like (and I'm summarizing here) "hey pla, please be respectful and articulate when you comment, metafilter is a special place, you can't go around tossing bombs in threads," is followed by a comment that... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by billysumday at 7:04 AM on December 7, 2009

And, I score cool points for saying "I met the author in a bar" when I hand it over. Congrats, interrobang!

I will score creepy points by saying "it was written by this guy I know from the Internet" when I give it to my 9-year-old niece.

Congratulations!
posted to MetaTalk by headnsouth at 12:35 PM on December 3, 2009

Hildegarde writes "women pretty much always know when you're doing it, no matter how good you think you are at hiding it."

How can you possibly know what other people are thinking with any where near certainty? It seems obvious that both false negatives and positives would abound and there is no feedback loop to hone your perceptions.
posted to MetaTalk by Mitheral at 8:59 AM on November 23, 2009

I found the thread amusing, and found that maybe 75% of the stuff applied to me, another 15% applied to lots of males I know but not myself, and only 10% was "what the fuck are you talking about?" Which is pretty good for a polling question.

But what brings me to comment here is just that I found it amusing that the following three positions are all discussed in the same thread regarding men looking at women and determining whether they consider them sexually... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Bugbread at 4:54 PM on November 21, 2009

So why the hell did you post it when you know it's not true? Lets ignore for a minute the part where it's a degrading and untrue stereotype, why post an answer in ask.me that you know to be false?

I typed up a long rebuttal to this but it's not worth it.

Pick whichever answer gives you the most satisfaction:

1) Because, as I already mentioned, the thread had already turned into a "party"... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by bondcliff at 3:09 PM on November 21, 2009

I saw it before I went to bed, and I kind of assumed it would be deleted as either chatfilter and/or stereotype filter. How well would it have gone over if you replaced men with, say, anything else? Little known facts about women? Little known facts about black people? Jews? While it might be harmless fun, it does go to show that there can be a massive double standard here. Many folks who would be up in arms if the subject was different have no problem because the subject is men. The thread... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Ghidorah at 7:34 PM on November 20, 2009

The way Jacqueline was treated here seems to me to be indicative of the worst aspects of Metafilter

I agree completely.

And honestly, Jessamyn's juxtaposition of (1) "the only thing that really surprises me with this whole thread is how judgey a lot of people seem to be... So why so bitchy?" with (2) "Jacqueline I see your perspective, but it's clearly one among many" seemed odd to me. The worst aspects of... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by cribcage at 11:27 AM on November 15, 2009

I took her comments personally. She was devaluing the hard work that I do because I make less than my husband, and implying that he should devalue it as well.

Internet commenters are not capable of devaluing anyone's hard work. If you are getting that worked up over the opinions of someone you disagree with, it really is time to go have a cup of tea or something.

I don't agree with Jacqueline's point of view about marriage,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by oneirodynia at 10:17 AM on November 15, 2009

> You are incorrect in your understanding of what is going on relationship AskMe questions and to paint them all as chatfilter and impossible to answer sounds so ridiculous I'm pretty speechless at the moment.

Oh, please. Most relationship posts don't even have an actual question in them, just a long-winded rant describing one side of a story. A bunch of people give their opinion and the asker marks as best answer the ones that validate the... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by cj_ at 4:38 PM on October 27, 2009

We can't all be No Impact Man. Living like that is incredibly stressful and difficult in today's modern world. When I was vegan I got a lot of people challenging me with WHAT ABOUT THE CARROTS DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE POOR CARROTS and WHAT IF YOU STEP ON A BUG and listen, it's not about completely eliminating your environmental impact on the world, it's about reducing it. And yes, it doesn't make a huge difference but if everyone reduced their impact a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Juliet Banana at 12:06 PM on October 12, 2009

I don't think it has anything to do with this topic or that topic or what sides people are on. The problem is that instead of saying stuff about the topic or the viewpoint being expressed, some MeFites get caught up in viciously insulting or attacking the person making the comments.

St. Alia could have come into this thread and said, "I just donated $500 to PFLAG and NARAL," and someone would still have found a reason... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by FelliniBlank at 9:52 AM on October 12, 2009

Aging Spinster Librarianism.

This thing where we try to give people the benefit of the doubt even if they have a history of shitty behavior, and the other thing where we try in particular not to tell people to go fuck themselves even when they're being awful: those are both really hard to do sometimes.
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 9:53 AM on October 12, 2009

To preface: this is not meant to chastise or bum-out any users here. I'm rather thinking about this thread as a whole. I reread it, and here's what I think: the message is in real danger of being lost in the melee.

I don't think that getting behind the notion that "men need to learn something" and being then being antagonistic and challenging about it accomplishes the task at hand. I really don't.

Enough with the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by heyho at 1:14 PM on October 9, 2009

very, very sorry heyho.
posted to MetaFilter by brneyedgrl at 1:11 PM on October 8, 2009

Mainly I just fucking hate Bingo Cards.
posted to MetaTalk by Artw at 11:42 AM on October 8, 2009

and no one got raped or otherwise traumatized.

tzikeh: Which, of course, makes it all okay.

...

... ...

Yeah, there's really nowhere to go with you, is there?

listen to the women

How about we listen to each other? No? No good? Alright then. Laters.
posted to MetaFilter by Durn Bronzefist at 11:15 AM on October 8, 2009

I think the delete/no-delete decision ought to come down to not whether the opinion is simply offensive, but whether the intent of the post was meant in good faith, or meant to troll or derail the discussion. If someone says something totally disagreeable but does so because they actually believe that, and it's relevant to the ongoing discussion, I'm not sure it should be deleted: that just smacks of whitewashing. We should leave it up not for them, but to remind everyone... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Kadin2048 at 7:18 AM on October 8, 2009

increased GRAR levels harsh my general lifebuzz

T-shirt, plz.

And the picture has to be a bear scooping out a honeycomb, surrounded by a swarm of bees.
posted to MetaTalk by the littlest brussels sprout at 2:25 PM on October 6, 2009

Why would you invite a random group of people with their own biases and flaws to play armchair psychologist and project onto some unrelated person's possibly erroneous summation of their own flaws and then act like it means something? You know and I know that this is an opportunity to let your own and others' insecurities off the leash in the guise of a question.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Inspector.Gadget at 11:35 AM on October 1, 2009

I have now thought out and discarded about twenty comments on language and Metafilter for this thread. The thing is, the more I think about this callout, the more it bothers me and I kind of wish the OP had come back in here to discuss it. Well. I like words. I think removing words from the lexicon hurts us in the long run - I came down squarely on the side of the demons in the great MeTa twat/cunt controversies: I like them, although I'm not British and thus can't use them anymore than I can... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by mygothlaundry at 7:55 AM on October 1, 2009

People who genuinely think offense is meant are the same sort of people that get all edgy and suspicious when they go down south, because you can't trust a person who acts pleasant and cheerful towards you.

Holy moly, yes. I once worked with a woman from upstate New York, and when we were in a restaurant in Huntsville, AL, she flew into a rage when the waitress called her "Honey." She still to this day talks about how disrespectful that... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by This Guy at 6:27 AM on September 30, 2009

I thought our mantra was taking everything in good faith, so can't we take most comments as such? There are millions of comments filled with strong and direct insults, condescending and passive, sarcastic, blunt, or any combination of the above. If someone was trying to insult you, they would.

I can sort of understand why the ageist/condescension thing comes into play, but could someone explain the sexism thing? To me it seems that both genders get tagged as 'hons',... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Think_Long at 2:28 PM on September 29, 2009

I assume you see what I did there.

You used the HTML strike element to remove my words and then inserted your own.
posted to MetaFilter by xmutex at 3:01 PM on September 27, 2009

He has a quota? I always thought he was sort of a never-ending gobstopper of hyperbole.
posted to MetaTalk by ocherdraco at 7:49 AM on September 28, 2009

As a chief poster in the defense of krilli's comments near the top of the thread, I'd like to use this moment to apologize. Well, apologize, clarify some things, and then explain what I've learned in the intervening 24 hours.

I have a bad habit of not returning to threads where I may have embarrassed myself, you see. Last night I was in the frame of mind of a young criminal defense attorney (actually 3L student in a criminal defense clinic) on his very first case. I... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Navelgazer at 9:43 PM on September 23, 2009

The typo in the title is excellent! I'm a big fan of typos myself, for instance today at work I received an email that had been forwarded to the whole room asking for help with swapping a shit on Saturday. It's kind of meaningful, really. She wrote shit but she meant shift and I laughed. He wrote sexist shit without meaning to and he got shat on, then he tried to justify himself and became a laughing stock.

I guarantee you that he'll think harder before he hits post... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by h00py at 9:08 AM on September 25, 2009

Agencies...bad juju. Those are prostituting rings 90% of the time. If she can't cut it working in a club, then she has no business in the business.

I have worked in gentleman's clubs. Very high-end strip joints. I worked as a waitress, a bartender and a manager, but never as a dancer. (In an area filled with tall, leggy blondes, there wasn't a lot of call for short, dark women who over-thought things.)

Granting that this was a while back,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by dejah420 at 3:02 PM on September 23, 2009

Hit post too soon. Maybe see if she'll try working as a cocktail waitress or a bartender at a club first. Working for an agency sounds like a really really bad idea.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by electroboy at 1:53 PM on September 23, 2009

That is, I think there is a lot that we're all agreeing to, by this point.

-The particular comment was not the kind that is good for the site, for the reasons outlined above, live and learn.

- It's ok/good to delete comments like that because we're trying to create an environment with certain conversational norms.

- It's a good idea to be diplomatic when responding to a callout,

- It's a good... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by LobsterMitten at 8:01 PM on September 24, 2009

The rule (as I understand it) is, pretty clearly, irrelevant references to attractiveness* will be deleted and you're more likely to get your shit torn up in MeTa than if you broke some other community norm.

Generally, yeah. Realistically we only have a few enforcement options as mods within the larger community.

- delete comments
- delete comments, apply in-thread threat [i.e. "don't do that again or else... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jessamyn at 7:39 AM on September 24, 2009

It's funny about these discussions, really don't want be sucked into them, but I find them too fascinating to pass up most of the time. Anyway:

BB, several people, including myself, have gone out of our way to point out what is harmful and problematic about Krilli's comment

I respectfully disagree. I think there's a lot of other shit that women have to unfortunately deal with that's getting loaded on krilli and that comment.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Brandon Blatcher at 2:12 PM on September 23, 2009

While I read up on the case and background: That is a strikingly beautiful woman.

And I had a banana for lunch. Which is to say "who cares that you think she's pretty?" The thing that's so weird about that statement is that not only is it not starting a discussion, it's just sort of ... I dunnow a weird non-sequitor in the ways that it's not mildly pesty. Again, I think this is a low-end deal as these things go, but the fact that you,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jessamyn at 12:10 PM on September 23, 2009

What frustrates me isn't that krili felt that a woman was attractive. What frustrates me is the context and the sense of entitlement behind him deciding that his judgment of her attractiveness was the most relevant and interesting thing about the article, and thus the only thing worth commenting on.

Man, I don't like being said to have a "sense of entitlement". That actually hurt a bit.

A sense of what... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by krilli at 11:04 AM on September 23, 2009

I'm not going to rethink anything coz somebody wants to pull the "i know more than you do about what you're REALLY thinking" card on people. I think a lot of people want to frame odd resentments all the time in political ways and I am so out of the whole "listening to that" game.

That said, I think the "public forum" issue really gets to the heart of a lot of angst about these matters (and something that's helped me understand these things.)... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Non Prosequitur at 10:37 AM on September 23, 2009

Read the threads PercussivePaul so helpfully linked to and then come back and talk like adults. If you're too lazy to do so, then do the rest of us the favor of staying out of the discussion.

I understand your frustration, but writing comments like the above doesn't facilitate a nuanced discussion on this complex subject.

If the goal is to educate people, demanding that they spend at least a day reading several long essays... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Brandon Blatcher at 7:34 AM on September 23, 2009

I really can't believe that saying someone is "strikingly beautiful" is considered the equivalent of "I'd hit it". I feel like I've been transported back to second grade recess, where if you said you liked someone of the opposite sex a chorus of "oneirodynia wants to marry you!" would be the refrain at lunchtime.

Making the observation that someone is attractive is not sexist. One can't possibly infer anyone else's... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by oneirodynia at 8:02 PM on September 22, 2009

That's what porn looked like on teletype.

Close: It's two moments of silence for the img tag.
posted to MetaTalk by Blazecock Pileon at 12:13 PM on September 21, 2009

just got in....THANK you MrMoonPie, I didnt get lost this time.

oh and BIG BIG thanks to exogenous and Mrs. exogenous for the hospitality....
posted to MetaTalk by ShawnString at 8:38 PM on September 20, 2009

It's delicious.

Can't. Texture issues. Eeeeeeeee.
posted to MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:09 PM on September 15, 2009

It's not really her dad! It's comedian and photographer Phil Nee. And according to facebook, he's single...

i looked it up cuz i don't want her to cut me
posted to MetaFilter by raztaj at 4:39 PM on September 15, 2009

"The "shut up" quote comes from the lede in the Dayton newspaper story that I linked

oh, I saw it in the article... I was looking to see which ordained official of the church actually used those words....

If someone had FPP'ed "Church does not provide women with equal rights." I would have thought, yep, know that, and moved on to the next FPP...

but, heck, some priest actually publicly said... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by HuronBob at 7:28 AM on September 16, 2009

Why are his feelings more important than yours?

I'm reposting what desjardins wrote because it is an excellent question, and I don't think you can solve this issue before you start giving equal weight to your own feelings. Your boyfriend is coming off poorly in this thread, but since he doesn't know that there's an issue, it's not entirely fair for us to assume he's an overly aggressive guy who consistently does not respect his partner's boundaries.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by katemcd at 5:30 PM on September 15, 2009

He tells a joke about the YMCA, which is really a joke about his own naivety on first arriving in NY. It's actually a funny joke, but of course thanks to the Village People (hold that thought) the punch line is visible to us the instant he says "YMCA".

Does he say "and the YMCA turns out to be full of faggots, lol!"? No. He makes a subtle reference to Greenwich Village, which suggests that he regards the subjects of his story as just part of the rich... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by GeckoDundee at 10:19 PM on September 8, 2009

Does this place always have to be an early 90's Gender/Sexuality Studies class? JESUS FUCK! If I wanted to see people make a show about how sensitive they are, I'd hang out by a Food Not Bombs table or something. I beg of you, save it for your 15-year reunion or something. Please.
posted to MetaFilter by Mayor Curley at 6:26 PM on September 8, 2009