MetaFilter

Could you put in a really temporary color, using something like Overtone? It's essentially a colored conditioner, which washes out in a few weeks and it's really kind to my hair. You'd probably want to do a strand test to see how it interacts with the color your have in already as well as the grey, but it is very likely to come out of both after a few weeks. For me, I've used the red for brown, purple for brown, and just brown and all of them did take in my grey streaks and actually looked... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by past unusual at 5:43 PM on April 27, 2023

I guess from here every generation will think they invented both sex and lowercase messaging?
posted to MetaFilter by Dysk at 3:19 AM on April 7, 2024

They should pay the whole thing not just the deductible? I dont see a role for your insurance here. When a flood from my condo resulted in damage to the unit below, I had to pay thr repair costs. When a flood from a pipe inside the walls damaged my unit the building paid to repair the damage. I am in Toronto. I am not a lawyer, a condo manager or anything else relevant.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by If only I had a penguin... at 7:58 PM on April 5, 2024

Is there a particular reason you want to pay the debt? Especially when you have no income? Do you have a need for credit in the next couple of years?

Credit card companies are predatory corporations and I guarantee you that they absolutely, 100% do not need this money and you have at least a 90% chance of needing this money.

Some (rare) exceptions aside (mostly what state you live in) this collections account will no longer be reported to any... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rhymedirective at 2:08 PM on March 29, 2024

get a bunch of spikes or studs and put one over each letter.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 7:50 PM on March 29, 2024

All I can think is "BREATHE OUT FOR WHAT?"
posted to MetaFilter by drewbage1847 at 9:20 AM on March 27, 2024

I was always taught never to say anything about the dead unless it’s good. He’s dead. Good!
posted to MetaFilter by kirkaracha at 5:40 PM on March 27, 2024

When my husband cheated, and I found out by gut feeling and basically pinning him down for the truth, he was also apologetic. He was also sorry and contrite. He also met with the receptionist at his job that he was having the affair with to tell her it was over. We started counseling. We spoke more, had deeper conversations.

And a few months later her was at it again with someone else.

It's probably too late but I would have taken screenshots of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by annieb at 6:19 PM on March 26, 2024

hope for the best, emotionally, but prepare for the worst, logistically.

This. You'll find it a lot easier to make emotionally sound and compassionate decisions if you don't have to worry about losing your home.

He's very torn at the moment and deeply sorry for hurting me.

Great, let him demonstrate how sorry he is by recognizing your equity in the house you live in and the other... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rpfields at 1:52 PM on March 26, 2024

I think a large part of the work you need to do is on yourself right now. It sounds like your partner fell for someone and decided to start over already, at age 66. You can absolutely do the same at age 50 (or even later!).

The end of a long-term relationship always feels like the end of everything. So much change is coming; new home, new financial situation, maybe new friends, maybe losing some old ones. From this point on, everything is going to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by invincible summer at 1:03 PM on March 26, 2024

But he owns a couple of big assets outright in his name only... like the home we live in. Whereas I've paid for big renovations, ongoing maintenance, insurance, etc.

I have gone through and favorited every answer that tells you to get to a lawyer, stat. You could lose your house. You probably will lose it unless you move on this right away. Put all the emotions aside, put all the fear and the love and the horrible disappointment and sorrow on the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mygothlaundry at 12:38 PM on March 26, 2024

I have to say it sounds like you are glossing over the part about your spouse cheating on you and lying to you for 18 months.

The person I know who had a similar experience (husband was found having a longish affair with a co-worker) broke up with him. It was not so much the sex (unprotected! and one of these people have herpes!), it was the lying.

You seem to be trying to wrap this into some kind of "its understandable because we've been... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rhonzo at 12:10 PM on March 26, 2024

Also, respectfully, is it possible that the affair didn't come out of closeness from the shared venture, but that the venture came out of a mutual attraction they already had for each other, and the shared ventured gave them a way to explore that connection (even if it wasn't something they were saying out loud)? I think you are working from the assumption that he lied about one big thing but is being honest about everything else, and you might need some space to take a big step back and look... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bluedaisy at 11:36 AM on March 26, 2024

I am no expert and have not experienced a similar challenge. But you are 50! That is young, in the grand scheme of things. Maybe this relationship has run its course? You could split up and have another 20 year relationship in your future with someone else, a few years down the line. Maybe it sounds harsh but honestly with the cheating and whatnot I'd be preparing to divorce and move on. If you were both in your 70s it might be harder to start over but you have decades ahead of you.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by emd3737 at 11:01 AM on March 26, 2024

I'm quoting you on this one:

I know that she fulfills a need in him that I simply can't, and that after 20 years the "sparkiness" can fade in a long-term relationship.
But I know that she wants a full-time relationship with him (through online DM's that tipped me off to the affair).

She's the shiny new and you're not, and she wants a full time relationship with him and she's left her husband? I think... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jenfullmoon at 9:45 AM on March 26, 2024

I'm so sorry. The best piece of advice I can give you is to proceed with the knowledge that a man having an affair can reframe their spouse as the enemy with astonishing rapidity. Get your financial affairs in order on the assumption that this will happen. Hopefully it won't. But any divorce attorney will tell you that previously kind, loving, trustworthy people frequently become almost unrecognizable to their spouses once this kind of thing is underway.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by HotToddy at 8:01 AM on March 26, 2024

To the list above I would add:

- get tested for STDs
- consider getting your own therapist

I would be wary about the switch-to-polyamory-in-the-middle-of-an-affair thing. Your husband has already acted without truth and integrity. Falling in love with someone isn't an issue. For me, lying about it for 18 months could well be.

I would like to be more polyamorous than my husband and I are (we're monogamish)... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by warriorqueen at 7:01 AM on March 26, 2024

Seconding everyone advising a sleep study, as this was a life changing event for me.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ivanthenotsoterrible at 8:01 AM on March 26, 2024

Do you drink coffee or have a lot of caffeine and sugar during the day? That might be leading to poor sleep quality and booze might mean you're sleeping more deeply.

Just as an anecdotal point, I had to give up coffee for blood pressure reasons and I've discovered that I can wake up much more easily and feel better in the mornings now I only drink decaf. When I have too much caffeine these days I sleep badly and wake up exhausted, a lot like you're describing, and end... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fight or flight at 5:20 AM on March 26, 2024

The alcohol might be pushing you past some kind of sleep disturbance? It might help to get a sleep study done.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by tiny frying pan at 4:41 AM on March 26, 2024

Checking in so far:

In addition to finally getting some clarity on "hey yo so this is a thing you want me to do and NO ONE HAS GIVEN ME CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT IT, halp", I have also been very diligent about not working overtime (my boss gave me the go-ahead on that) and have been monitoring the sleep. I've also given myself permission to subsist on Grubhub more often than usual if I'm like "I literally just can't" about cooking.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by EmpressCallipygos at 2:00 PM on March 22, 2024

The Personal History of David Copperfield
Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 7:38 AM on March 24, 2024

I assumed that Kate had undergone a hysterectomy, probably as a result of having fibroids.

Same. 2 weeks surgical recovery and 3 months light duty is what's usually recommended for a total hysterectomy. That no-one in the media mentioned this possibility shows how little people know about gynocologic medicine.
posted to MetaFilter by fiercekitten at 7:54 PM on March 22, 2024

And on reflection, I'll give sharing a go. My dad has had anamolous test results last week, so he's scheduled for more. He's 77, and there's about a 10% chance it's going to be bowel cancer. He's already survived prostate cancer, my wife had major surgery for other reasons that turned out to be pre-cancerous, and I'm just crossing every finger I've got that he turns out to be OK. I'm terrified. Fuck cancer.
posted to MetaFilter by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 7:21 PM on March 22, 2024

For context, the sovereign grant for 22/23 was £86.3 million, which pays for the core royal family, mostly staff and property maintenance, which was 25% of the profits generated from the Crown Estate (assets held in trust, which is managed independently) - the rest goes to the Treasury. The King gets an additional £20 million (mostly rent) from the Duchy of Lancaster, and about the same for William from the Duchy of Cornwall.

For individuals? An obscene amount of wealth.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 6:30 PM on March 22, 2024

Let’s not jump too quickly to foretelling everyone’s medium term demise, here; people do survive cancer, sometimes even cancers with terrible prognoses at the outset — it does happen.
posted to MetaFilter by eirias at 5:50 PM on March 22, 2024

Not buying the illusion that wealthy celebrities - or, worse yet, aristocrats and royals - are like us.

They may have the resources to stave them off for awhile but pain, suffering and death come to all. Being top deck on the Titanic doesn't count for much at the end. But who wouldn't spend whatever it took had they had whatever it took?
posted to MetaFilter by y2karl at 4:20 PM on March 22, 2024

[One comment removed, for being hateful and insensitive. Please avoid hoping or wishing someone has cancer, thanks.

Otherwise, yes, their are problematic elements with the British Royal Family. But consider that there's a time and place to express that and that a thread on the announcement of one of them having cancer isn't the greatest place to share ones dislike of said family. ]
posted to MetaFilter by Brandon Blatcher at 4:08 PM on March 22, 2024

As far as I can tell, Kate and William are not asking for your sympathy, they are asking for privacy. They were forced to make the statement she made today because of the rampant speculation and conspiracy theories. Let them be.

I hope for a speedy and complete recovery.

(Embarrassingly, I did not have cancer as one of the possibilities of what was going on. I had mental health issue as my guess.)
posted to MetaFilter by JohnnyGunn at 1:54 PM on March 22, 2024

Sorry, no, I can't find much empathy for people rushed to the head of the queue

No empathy for other people with cancer? That's what you're saying? Surely you don't mean that. Even if you think Kate is too privileged to be worthy of your empathy, she has three small children.

I'm done with having to be mealy mouthed about them just because they're sad, or sick, or bereaved just like the rest of us plebs are all... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:33 PM on March 22, 2024

Now do the sit-to-pee community and 'hovering' in public bathrooms...
posted to MetaFilter by dragstroke at 10:29 AM on March 8, 2024

You think that's bad; I've known men who've admitted that they wipe standing up.
posted to MetaFilter by grubi at 10:19 AM on March 8, 2024

Because this could be a side effect of medication, you can't have a complete conversation about this if it doesn't involve your pdoc and care team.

But, one low-hanging fruit: you mention being treated for RLS-like symptoms, which means at some point you might have tried magnesium supplements at bedtime and then stopped when you moved on to something else. If that's the case, or if you have not tried this, give it a shot and see if your morning dread eases any.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Lyn Never at 9:40 AM on March 19, 2024

There are like 6 different categories of FODMAPs and people are sensitive to different categories. For example, wheat and alliums have fructans.

The Low FODMAP Diet cookbook has meal plans and recipes that account for different sensitivities.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by expialidocious at 1:57 PM on March 17, 2024

My wife and I have picked up some fantastic vintage furniture for next to nothing at Habitat For Humanity over the years. Every time I go into the store in my hometown I’m shocked by how much good stuff there is for sale.
posted to MetaFilter by The Card Cheat at 6:08 AM on March 15, 2024

10 years ago, my wife used to run a West Elm up in Palo Alto, and the worst, worst, worst customers were those who thought spending ~$2.5k on a couch made them big spenders as far as furniture goes.

$2.5k on a couch ten years ago, though--that's massive for many/most middle-class families. Why wouldn't they expect a decent of service at that price point? I'm confused about what your gripe is with this comment. Making fun of poor plebes, out of their... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by knotty knots at 11:34 PM on March 14, 2024

the "something just snapped off" problem that happens with appliances so often nowadays

That's what those of us with 3D printers live for.
posted to MetaFilter by MrVisible at 11:26 PM on March 14, 2024

Won't help for furniture, but for the "something just snapped off" problem that happens with appliances so often nowadays, get yourself some Sugru. It comes in small packets which when opened, give you ample time to mold it to whatever you need. It is odorless and cures to a hard rubbery texture. Comes in multiple colors. The aesthetics of it aren't fantastic, but it gave my household a third option between "don't use the deli drawer because it's broken and there's no replacement.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by microscone at 10:26 PM on March 14, 2024

It's a nice story and I'm happy for them, but it really just highlights for me the 100x people who can't just leave, because of job, health, family, age, disability, etc etc etc. Trans flight is real, yes, but trans stuck-in-hell is also real.
posted to MetaFilter by seanmpuckett at 9:41 AM on March 15, 2024

I’ve got one friend who left Austin for Spokane, and another family that’s planning to relocate to New Mexico. It’s real.
posted to MetaFilter by adamrice at 9:21 AM on March 15, 2024

I'm relatively senior at a big financial institution, and we have large numbers of employees in a number of red states that either have or are in the process of passing hateful laws like this. I'm thankful that we are taking a very employee-focused approach, and putting in place contingency plans to move employees that are impacted by these laws. I'm thankful that personally I'm already in a 'safe' city and state, for whatever that's worth right now, but my heart goes out to all the people and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Thysania at 9:12 AM on March 15, 2024

If I had a sudden personal windfall, and I wanted to delight my spouse beyond a fancy dinner or weekend getaway or a gift of fungible money, I would get in touch with my spouse's rarely seen, far-away friends, fly them in, put them up in a nice hotel, and schedule a weekend where they could all hang out together that I would cover (both in terms of money and obligations).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by I EAT TAPAS at 11:21 AM on March 14, 2024

It's a small fraction of your net worth? Donate to something it'll be a large fraction of the budget for, and in the future gaze upon the results fondly.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by teremala at 11:17 AM on March 14, 2024

Sarah wants to see 19. That's next week.

Do you mean, literally, that there are actual fears that Sarah will die within the week if she remains untreated? If so, she needs to go to the ER immediately.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by paper scissors sock at 11:31 AM on March 13, 2024

It could be that he wants companionship or entertainment.
Have you considered fostering a kitten to help distract him?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mightshould at 1:22 AM on March 13, 2024

As I understand it, Dianne is a hypothetical person here, a possible "friend of a friend of a friend" who is in a position to help navigate this situation. And also, I believe Sarah's 19th birthday is next week.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by knile at 4:15 AM on March 13, 2024

This will be great fun for the cat right up until it backfires. Trust me, elastics are not to be trusted. It's been 40+ years since I learned the lesson and still have an internal wince thinking about it.
posted to MetaFilter by srboisvert at 1:33 PM on March 9, 2024

She has no top incisors, so her tongue sticks out ALL THE TIME!!!! 😺

OMG we have a cat with the same thing! Unlike Serena, who is clearly an intellectual, our perma-blep mog is genuinely a complete idiot, his look of slightly disgruntled imbecility does not disguise any hidden talents whatsoever.
posted to MetaFilter by tomsk at 1:32 PM on March 9, 2024

You might think I'm overpromising on this one, but truly, I am not.
posted to MetaFilter by hippybear at 11:59 AM on March 9, 2024

So... I just watched Episode 5 Season 5 of Northern Exposure... or well was listening to it while working on slides. I've got a monitor switch, and I hear this voice and I'm like that was 1997... That can't be... but it sounds like him... and I'm scrambling to switch to the screen so can look - and sure enough

Jack Black played a high school student on Northern Exposure asking Maggie to their prom...
posted to MetaFilter by Nanukthedog at 2:47 PM on March 11, 2024