MetaFilter

Because they're looking to move their agenda higher on the priority list of people who will actually put it on their priority list.
posted to MetaFilter by Etrigan at 3:25 PM on August 9, 2015

As far as I am concerned it is off putting, significantly alienates me from them as a group, muddies the message, will create a right wing backlash and is essentially divisive to a number of voters who are sympathetic to their cause.

All good progressives practice recycling, in this case the criticisms of ACT UP 30 years ago.
posted to MetaFilter by rhizome at 2:16 PM on August 9, 2015

Anyone who would willfully forego the pleasure of standing in a hot shower is simply no longer human.
posted to MetaFilter by Thorzdad at 5:51 PM on August 7, 2015

I'm glad that they disclaim it, but the issue remains: how does a child "know" that they want boy names, boy haircuts and play on boy sports teams in the absence of some kind of bio-essentialist viewpoint?

If that idea isn't inborn somehow, from whence does it come?

Addressed already some but I want to make very clear: the answer, of course, is it comes from everyone else, from society at large.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by vibratory manner of working at 1:16 PM on August 6, 2015

"Boy names" and "boy haircuts" and "boy toys" are NOT inborn desires - they are clearly socially constructed. But that doesn't make them less real, and if a child is growing up and referred to as a 'girl' when they know they are a boy (or neither, or both, or somewhere in the middle), taking on these social markers of gender is a way they can assert power over that aspect of themselves. Of course not all children who want short hair are boys, but... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by muddgirl at 9:59 AM on August 6, 2015

This idea is present in the article. "MC" starts to grow up and "suddenly discovers" that he likes trucks, cars, flannel and short haircuts. Well-meaning parents conclude that he must have always been a boy. But is this really what makes a boy, a boy?

....but if you read the article, the parents explicitly did not take MC enjoying trucks as a sign that he was a boy--after all, so did their daughter. Rather, it was when MC kept... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by sciatrix at 9:16 AM on August 6, 2015

I asked a new coworker about her background in a call today and she started telling me about her ethnic heritage and I was like OH SHIT I JUST DID THE BAD cuz I just meant her job history but then it was too late I had died also.
posted to MetaFilter by Potomac Avenue at 7:05 PM on August 4, 2015

I've been in this situation myself. The sofa is dead, sorry. You can spend loads of money on expensive cleaning products, fruitlessly trying to remove the imperceptible-to-you smells, or you can put that cash towards a new sofa instead. I recommend the second option.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bifter at 2:12 AM on August 4, 2015

What you want to do is shop where us gays shop. We have Opinions about underwear, and many are targeted specifically at fit bodies. Brands you're looking for are 2exist, Andrew Christian, Aussiebum, and Ginch Gonch. I'd suggest flipping through Undergear or Priape to see what you like (both sites NSFW).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:20 AM on August 4, 2015

For those who don't want to be "Othered", there are a couple of strategies: one is living in a specific ethnic enclave. Lots of people do this. Another is to be the predominant ethnic minority in your community: your name/ethnic origin to the majority will not be notable because everyone will already know it. I get the impression that this is what some people are hoping for. What isn't viable is to expect improvement in communities that are becoming progressively more and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by kagredon at 12:33 PM on August 4, 2015

It's relevant, as the question in the example inherently draws attention to its difference. It's also inherently pushy and presumptuous (of one's own importance and relationship to the askee), as implied by previous commenters pointing out that they give out "acquaintance" pronunciations for people who they aren't close with.

Not all call-outs of difference are bad. There's not a ton of potential benefit to Jaya from the OP of hearing... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by sparklemotion at 10:44 AM on August 4, 2015

For me, personally, in workplace settings it's more of a hassle/annoyance to go through the "no the accent is on first syllable no the first no not like that" thing than to just roll with however they've mispronounced by name so we can actually Get Work Done.
posted to MetaFilter by griphus at 10:01 AM on August 4, 2015

Hmm, I had an ultra stressful day and was being a bad Type II by having a minor chocolate binge.

I think I'll go throw the rest in the trash now.
posted to MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 10:12 PM on August 3, 2015

[A few comments deleted. Once again, if your comment is that this stuff doesn't bother you, so people are wrong to be annoyed about it, and that people who are annoyed by a thing that doesn't affect you in the same way must be living in a grim self-deluded world -- reconsider whether that's going to lead to a conversation worth having.]
posted to MetaFilter by LobsterMitten at 9:32 AM on August 4, 2015

I'm hearing impaired. If I ask you to repeat or spell your name, it's probably because I didn't hear it properly. There are some people I just have to refer to as mumble, because after saying I'm hearing impaired, could you say that again twice, I'm probably done.
posted to MetaFilter by theora55 at 7:29 AM on August 4, 2015

My first name is Alok. Most people I meet can't even pronounce it, and this is after they have heard me say it, often twice. Lots of people ask if they can call me Al instead ("only if I can call you Betty, ha ha ha" you fucking moron). One person asked if she could call me A. I said no. She said, "Aw man, now I'm going to have to learn how to say your name." It's four letters. It's two vowels and two consonants. You can get through this, I believe in you.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Errant at 12:39 AM on August 4, 2015

2nding jeather's comment: "You shouldn't blame yourself for underreacting."

We (especially women involved with men) are told that "good relationships don't just happen -- you have to work at them." Well, there's work, and then there's construction work.

And your sweet self deserves somebody who's just as loving and giving as you are -- not a dude who tries to violate your body and your boundaries when... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by virago at 5:26 PM on August 3, 2015

I want to add, too, that you shouldn't blame yourself for underreacting to this. Society -- and, quite certainly your boyfriend himself -- work very hard at making these things seem okay or not so bad, and it's very hard to know how to cope with someone who is sometimes nice and caring and sometimes juuuuust going past your boundaries, stopping when you comment, then trying again.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jeather at 3:15 PM on August 3, 2015

Ugh dump him and tell him why. You are absolutely not overreacting, this is unacceptable behavior.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mskyle at 2:30 PM on August 3, 2015

[starts MeTa to demand that everyone in names threads must reveal their beautiful unusual names before JanetLand dies of curiousity]
posted to MetaFilter by JanetLand at 1:58 PM on August 3, 2015

How about just saying, "That's a pretty name."

Or how about not mentioning the name at all? Exoticism is tiring.
posted to MetaFilter by sparklemotion at 1:30 PM on August 3, 2015

Oh also gay bookstores, which have almost all ceased to exist in the last five years or so. Maybe "gay and lesbian" bookstores, since trans (etc.) weren't part of the popular conception at that point. But every big city, and some not so big ones, had at least one gay bookstore. The one nearest my hometown was called Twisted, in Little Rock, Arkansas. The first big deal gay bookstore I ever visited was Lambda Rising in Washington, DC, when I was there on a school... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:36 PM on August 3, 2015

But then, small potatoes are what our lives are mostly made of -- the caulk guns, the pizza, the potluck dishes, the stuff we carry, all that.

My god that comment just knocked the wind right out of me. I've been reading this thread since day 1 in spurts but that comment really summed up how so much of the big issues of a past terrible, terrible relationship were hidden in the daily indignities of having to put on a happy face and dealing with the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by hindmost at 2:10 PM on August 3, 2015

There was no second set of eyes on the proofs/samples? When I worked in prepress, the client's okay needed two signatures for valuable jobs.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by scruss at 6:56 PM on August 2, 2015

desjardins: "Gays and lesbians were on the cusp of becoming accepted"

I had a gay, male teacher who died of AIDS in 1990, in a mostly-Republican, fairly-wealthy suburb, and I remember that even though I was in junior high (12ish?) I a) knew that it was AIDS and b) knew what "gay" was and that he was gay. I knew that not all adults approved of him being gay and teaching, but they never SAID that, I inferred it from facial expressions... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Eyebrows McGee at 6:44 PM on August 2, 2015 marked best answer

You are essentially asking for a desktop database program like MS Access.

Data storage and a reporting function.

People tend to not use it because it is more annoying than Excel if you don't understand how to use it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by srboisvert at 5:13 PM on August 2, 2015

Wait a minute - some of you actually check people's profile pages? That is just the most disgusting invasion of privacy I've ever heard of. What's next - reading the links in other people's posts, without even an "excuse me" or a "by your leave"? And then I guess you'll just throw all civilised standards of behaviour out the window and start casually reading people's comments, whenever you feel like it. I mean, it just sickens me to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 3:06 PM on August 2, 2015

I clicked on the "Rumors had swirled" link and read a few pages of the thread on the message board.

One thing that struck me is how many people kept saying, basically, "I can understand being gay or lesbian, etc., but I think Kroc is just in denial about [Kroc's] sexuality." There are too many people who try to understand an experience they have never had by likening it to other things they may or may not know anything about. It is about as... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by sevenofspades at 12:13 PM on August 2, 2015

So I've had a few interesting conversations with friends recently about these pictures. It's not something I'm going to get heated up over, but I find it a tiny bit frustrating to hear them described as BRAVE and BOLD and PROUD and all that. I mean, I'll take "She's so brave" over "She's so disgusting." But it still sort of feels like missing the point.

Because when I think of how I felt early in my transition, or of the friends I've seen in that same... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 11:29 AM on August 2, 2015

I hate to be all "my pony is the best pony" but I submit the following in support of changing the Gender box to Gender/Pronouns:

1. It is already there and already freeform. Very few member's existing answers will be rendered nonsensical (unless they are already intentionally nonsensical, which is cool.)

2. It does not use the term "preferred" and thus addresses desjardins' point.

3. It is not... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by DarlingBri at 10:05 AM on August 2, 2015

No, you made the right decision. In fact, you so clearly made the right decision that I think a little introspection is in order so that you can figure out why it isn't clear to you that this was the right decision. Do you like a lot of intense drama in your life?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:04 AM on August 2, 2015

doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't try to reduce the harm we cause people and try to help organize behind the people who have borne the brunt of these harms.

I don't disagree, but if you can't reduce harm by your choice of housing - and you can't - then that isn't the right thing to feel guilt or anxiety over, is my point. It's the wrong analysis.

Liberals get caught in this circular way of thinking: do I... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by mrbigmuscles at 2:12 PM on August 1, 2015

euphorb: With 37 favorites its credit I couldn't add another.

Try not to favorite any comments on your way to the parking lot!
posted to MetaFilter by dr_dank at 5:18 AM on August 1, 2015

Not sure if this goes here or in the metatalk thread but I thought I'd cross link to all the other places this conversation has spread to that I know of, as of now.

On mefi:
Emotional labor checklist - discussion , links to ongoing google doc/dropbox docs
Should I go straight to crone island
No, really, you shouldn't have - how do I react to someone else's emotional labor
How do I bring up emotional labor in my... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ladyriffraff at 9:42 PM on July 31, 2015

As a friend of Cheerwine's for over ten years, and a (usually pretty quiet) member of this community, I want to thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I've been refreshing this thread since (Over) Thinking posted it, and it is helpful to see Cheerwine remembered here as I continue to process my grief. Thank you.
posted to MetaTalk by dysh at 9:34 AM on August 1, 2015

What I want to know is: why do I have to select my metro area if I already tell you my zipcode. What kind of monkeys write your widgets, slate?!
posted to MetaFilter by dame at 9:46 AM on August 1, 2015

Older than a week? I'd toss them too.
posted to MetaFilter by futz at 8:41 PM on July 31, 2015

His last post, while about something seemingly mundane, led me to a whole lot of thought about how I'm playing life on easy level and here's someone that's not, but is super tough and game about it. I shared it with my wife and we talked over it.

.
posted to MetaTalk by ftm at 5:09 PM on July 31, 2015

Crap, he said in one of his last questions just a few months ago that he was only 28. Way too soon. I'm so sorry, (over) thinking.

.
posted to MetaTalk by ActionPopulated at 4:49 PM on July 31, 2015

it's super-helpful--reminds you you're low on milk, notes your friends birthdays, remembers where you're parked, tells you how long it will take you to get home, knows which upcoming movies you'll want to check out, and so on...

Your computer is already weary of doing all the emotional labor, and might ditch you for a mature adult if you don't adjust those settings.
posted to MetaFilter by Devils Rancher at 10:47 AM on July 31, 2015

if he weren't twenty years old I might have felt like holding his hand through that simple logic.

Sure, but whining, doing a crappy job, making life miserable for everyone while doing a crappy job, skipping enough steps that someone will have to redo it later, and a petulant litany of "why do we do it this way/why do I have to do this/why can't we just invent a better washing machine/why do we have to eat off dishes instead of edible plates/why... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by a fiendish thingy at 8:28 AM on July 31, 2015

When I was married, I felt like a dog begging for scraps of his affection. I hated it with every goddamned fiber of my being. But I put up with it for much longer than I should have, because I had so much invested in that relationship, and because it made my life so much easier in most of the day-to-day practical ways [...]

Oh yes, this brings back so many memories. Anyone who wanted a war story, here you go. My 13-year relationship with the guy I moved to the other side... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Athanassiel at 9:05 PM on July 30, 2015

If people are using the app to get laid, what's wrong with more explicit messages?

Women who want casual sex often want to have it with people who view them as people instead of walking vagina-guardians. Men who send pornographic messages as their first contact with complete strangers have MASSIVE overlap with men who think women are trophies instead of people.

"Hey do you want to hook up?" is not the kind of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by a fiendish thingy at 7:37 AM on July 30, 2015

I'm really happy for Ms. Wolfe that she is so visibly taking back her narrative, and continuing to create new things. I am also glad that there are women who are being served in the dating space that otherwise would be opting out.

And yet. Damn it. I am about to sound like such a harpy. From the article:

Speaking to Oliver, 26, he recounted how he had been sitting with a friend who, flicking through Tinder, had matched with two girls in quick... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by bilabial at 8:31 PM on July 29, 2015

Not to start a big fight but often asking why an [oppressed group] "puts up with" oppression is a privileged expression. It seems like hey, just don't play! You don't have to! But in fact, we do have to play. If we really and truly believe that these issues are systemic and not personal, the reasons for "putting up" are that there are significant costs to purist opposition to the oppression: economic costs, safety costs, costs to self-perception and mental well-being. It's a... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 11:40 AM on July 30, 2015

Let me be utterly fucking real with you. As a male feminist, there is probably at least five things you do that create, perpetuate, or enable male bullshit, in your daily life. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're the greatest gift to feminism that ever came with a penis. You are doing at least five things in your life that are inequitable and that make or contribute to some woman, for at least a moment, experiencing despair.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by divined by radio at 11:22 AM on July 30, 2015

One of the things I've struggled with as a male feminist is understanding why women so readily put up with male bullshit

Because your only other fucking option is to retire to a motherfucking nunnery on Crone Island.

Let me be utterly fucking real with you. As a male feminist, there is probably at least five things you do that create, perpetuate, or enable male... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by corb at 10:53 AM on July 30, 2015

I have a crystal ball, I don't use it very often, but I whipped it out just for this question. It says that if you don't do a chargeback you're going to have to take them to court, and even when you win, you still won't ever see your money again. Don't let them guilt you into giving them your money. It's your money!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by pazazygeek at 3:31 PM on July 29, 2015

You know how men talk about PMS as this miserable, barely survivable time when you have to watch what you say, be careful not to make too much noise, swallow your real thoughts, make constant concessions to avoid conflict, and accept sudden outbursts of anger as commonplace? (aka things I unconsciously do around many men I know and love)

The masculine dread of PMS is basically “there are five days a month when the burden of emotional labor is reversed, and that brief... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by a fiendish thingy at 6:13 AM on July 29, 2015

I always thought that the 'losing desire' thing is just what happens or that it was always me having some sort of issue with some sort of hang-up.... It makes total sense, especially now that I'm older and think of things that I do find sexy and a turn ons. Most have to do with some sort of compentency related to so much emotional labor skills that have been brought up in this thread.

Oh god, and it actually makes the shitty pushy 'why don't you... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by corb at 2:45 PM on July 28, 2015