MetaFilter

Can't it be "In Kalinda's wake, everyone she slept with wakes up gay?" because that would be awesome. Margo Martindale and Cush Jumbo are very very welcome additions to the show.

I just really really enjoyed this episode because I like Alicia the most when she just doesn't give a fuck. And Grace was so much less annoying when she's competent!
posted to FanFare by dorothyisunderwood at 2:53 AM on October 5, 2015

I don't love your script. I have a spouse who has serious cleaning issues. It has threatened to wreck our lives. The less direct I have been about it, the worse it has been.

1. It is not about how much you love him.
2. It is not about how much he loves you.
3. It is a serious issue that is impacting your quality of life with him.
4. It is also a serious issue for him, but it's his issue.

My advice is do... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by warriorqueen at 10:09 AM on October 11, 2015

I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice, etc. I don't know why your doctor refused to do an STD panel for you, but in general, blanket testing for diseases in people who have no risk factors for the disease can actually be harmful in counterintuitive ways, because no medical test is absolutely perfect; occasionally they will fail to detect a disease which is present (false negative), and sometimes they will yield a positive result even in a healthy person (false positive).... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by biogeo at 8:27 AM on October 8, 2015

If you have a specific reason you are concerned ask her about it. If you just have generalized anxiety, don't burden her with it. Don't make her carry your fears. Don't make her reassure you.

This is incredibly good advice.

Also: a lot of people are telling you that there isn't much you can do to protect her pre-emptively, and that's really true. But there are some things you can do during the party itself.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 6:09 PM on October 7, 2015

You can't tell him you're stopping, it won't mean anything to him. You just have to stop. I feel like you know this, but you're still looking for a way to get around the fact.

If I were you, I would tell him you need a break for your own mental health. And just don't take his calls for a month or two.

The thing is, it's not just the money that's enabling. Your 'support' isn't support - through no fault of your own at all. He's using your... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by The Noble Goofy Elk at 5:03 PM on October 7, 2015

First figure out what needs of yours is being fulfilled by continuing this dysfunctional relationship and find a more productive way to fill that need. A therapist would be helpful: spend the money you would have thrown away on your brother and spend it on a therapist instead.

Now he is in crisis is actually the best time to change your behaviour and expect results. If your parents are planning on continuing to support him you need to start "borrowing" money... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by saucysault at 4:37 PM on October 7, 2015

if your friend has any friends already in your friend group then maybe making sure at least a few of you all stick together and hang tight through the night would help. The worst times for me (trans woman) are when I go somewhere new and I don't know anyone and for whatever reason end up having to be social with strangers on my own. It's nice to have a friend or few nearby so I can go into "quiet nod nod smile" mode and let them handle some of the socializing when I feel like the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Annika Cicada at 4:31 PM on October 7, 2015

As someone who is trans, if your friend thought she might experience any problems that might make the party an unpleasant experience, she probably wouldn't have responded with a "yes" or otherwise would have brought up whatever concerns she had before responding (or perhaps will bring it up in the future). I feel that being trans forces you to be conscientious about a lot of things, and interacting with a party full of new people can be on that list (especially when you are first... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sevenofspades at 4:07 PM on October 7, 2015

You need to limit your help to assistance with getting him a diagnosis and treatment for his ADHD. Find a doctor, get a diagnosis, keep up appointments, etc. That's it. That is the only offer and the only help available.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by DarlingBri at 3:11 PM on October 7, 2015

There are plenty trans people who simply want to inhabit their gender without it being a Topic Of Discussion. You need to discuss the plan with her. Your heart is in the right place, but I think bringing it up to a large crowd without her specific and enthusiastic consent is a mistake.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by 26.2 at 2:21 PM on October 7, 2015

I'll post more when I'm not on my phone, but the short answer is ask your friend. She may be new to town, but she knows how people in general react to her, and what makes her personally feel safe or unsafe.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 1:48 PM on October 7, 2015

Posting a sign would most likely make her feel conspicuous and awkward. Don't do that. Have you asked her what would help her feel safe?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mermaidcafe at 1:46 PM on October 7, 2015

I've worked in local government planning and platting for many years.

Do not hire a surveyor or lawyer yet. You do not have the information you need yet.

Check to see if your property has survey monuments set. If you can find your property corners you should be able to figure out where your property lines are.

Go to your local government planning / permitting office and see if there is a building permit for the house.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Beardsley Klamm at 1:42 PM on October 7, 2015

I think this is great:
I've thought something was wrong for years but never had a name for it until 4-5 years ago and I thought I could be fine with just being butch or gender queer but that as each year passes its getting to be the prime issue I need to fix. I get very badly depressed and triggered each month with my period. I hate looking at my breasts and if they could magically disappear I would feel so much better. Being referred to as a woman feels wrong. Makes me cringe. I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Margalo Epps at 8:25 PM on October 6, 2015

Alabama's probably a testing ground. If they get away with it the scheme will likely get rolled into multiple states, especially ones in the South.
posted to MetaFilter by fuse theorem at 8:18 AM on October 7, 2015

I was able to cancel comcast this summer in under 5 minutes (after navigating through the -likely purposely- obfuscated phone menu). My trick was that I had a copy of their customer retention script in my hand. After confirming that they were definitely folllowing the script at the relate and empathize portion I called out, "STEP 4! TAKE CONTROL."

There was a long pause, and the rep said, "well you are obviously familiar with our... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by onehalfjunco at 11:53 AM on October 6, 2015

Oh, I also recommend staying in an Airbnb instead of a hotel, so you're in the middle of a residential neighborhood.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by three_red_balloons at 9:08 AM on October 6, 2015 marked best answer

You already tried to prompt him to set plans once. I wouldn't try again. You shouldn't have to put more effort into the date he asked you on than he is.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by cecic at 5:12 PM on October 5, 2015

He had major surgery on a bet??? That's enough Internet for today.

If I learned one thing in my decades as a repressed queer on the internet, it's that kinky and gendercomplicated people in bad situations are endlessly inventive in coming up with justifications for doing the shit that deep down makes us feel happy and comfortable and alive.

I have no idea what exactly it is about this guy and boobs (or this... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 6:00 PM on October 5, 2015

Kafka: Did I get hammered and start reading MetaFilter?
posted to MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 6:28 PM on October 4, 2015

I'm going to do a photo montage of guns wearing flower crowns. That'll scratch MeFi's itch!
posted to MetaTalk by klanawa at 9:06 AM on October 5, 2015

Wildcard suggestion: sofa +air mattress or futon.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by i_am_a_fiesta at 8:43 AM on October 4, 2015

This is sweet. I don't believe it, but I don't congratulate myself on not believing it, and I wish I did. A single, simple encounter like this is certainly a plausible life hinge. I've just been burnt too many times.

Also, in my experience, guys in their late sixties showing their hearts on the internet frequently communicate in ALL CAPS and use ,,, for numerous ellipses.
posted to MetaFilter by Countess Elena at 10:54 AM on October 3, 2015

I am really surprised that no one has yet pointed out the most glaring thing that seems to point to how this whole story is made up: "all I knew about you was your first name." And yet not once in the entire ad seeking a connection does the guy think to mention said name of the mystery woman who saved him from suicide and turned his life around.
posted to MetaFilter by old_growler at 10:27 AM on October 3, 2015

Whatever car I buy needs to start every time. The car would be my sole form of transportation and I'd be relying on it for client meetings, errands, and the occasional road trip.

A 40 year old car will not start every time, guaranteed, and when it does break there may be a long delay in finding and ordering the parts you need. You sound like you need a reliable every day car and then a hobby car, which can be as unreliable as you want.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Dip Flash at 9:34 PM on October 2, 2015

At mile 25 of a marathon, I'm constantly surprised that everyone doesn't just lie down and surrender to death.
posted to MetaFilter by figurant at 7:23 PM on October 2, 2015

I think it's unlikely if you speak for the group in this that the others would back this up at all. When she goes to them they'll distance themselves from this because they'll see it as "drama" and will probably distance themselves from you. In my experience adults are incredibly conflict averse. Incredibly.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by zutalors! at 7:03 PM on October 2, 2015

This is what Peeple should have been.
posted to MetaFilter by pmdboi at 4:03 PM on October 2, 2015

This discussion has passed, but I found this article on the ineffectiveness of mental health screening useful:

The risk factors that are linked to these events — basically, being an angry young man — are so widespread in the population, he explained, and so weakly predictive of an individual actually committing a mass shooting as to be practically useless. "The answer is yes, at least of the most highly publicized, most fear-inducing cases of stranger shootings, by... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by anotherpanacea at 3:05 PM on October 2, 2015

"At the same time you have to wonder why they're even there to begin with."

I know! It's the fucking Rockies! Playing the D-Backs! Those probably weren't even selfies — they were a desperate attempt to get Liam Neeson to rescue them.
posted to MetaFilter by klangklangston at 9:33 AM on October 2, 2015

Oh for fuck's sake.
posted to MetaFilter by EmpressCallipygos at 1:00 PM on October 2, 2015

Actually, an improvised firearm isn't all that hard to make.

The blogger Clarkhat on Twitter described a possible failure scenario of an attempt by the government to remove all guns from circulation. It was pretty unpleasant. It's a bit three-percenter, but there you go.
posted to MetaFilter by theorique at 9:53 AM on October 2, 2015

The landlord looked at it and has determined that there is most likely a break in the pipe outside the basement wall, with water running freely from it. It's going to be fixed...sometime. We pay for the water bill, and I shudder to think how high it's going to be. Given how high it is on a normal month, we're thinking $500?

lol fuuuuuuck this. I would put up with this for precisely 0 seconds. You rent. The landlord can fix the problem today or pay... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by phunniemee at 10:09 AM on October 1, 2015

At last we will know for certain if we should really vote #1 the quidnunc kid.
posted to MetaFilter by Hairy Lobster at 2:05 PM on September 30, 2015

What about people who are trans? Or who have stalkers, abusers, or estranged family members? What is our recourse against this, because people could say things about others on this app that might endanger people's lives?
posted to MetaFilter by all about eevee at 1:37 PM on September 30, 2015

BTW, I'm not saying @bondcliff gives bad head, but that's what I've read heard on peeple.com.
posted to MetaFilter by clvrmnky at 12:41 PM on September 30, 2015

The best part will be when a script kiddie scripts a bazillion possible phone number combinations into this thing, DOS'ing their 10-cents-per-message SMS gateway and bankrupting them on day 3 post-launch.
posted to MetaFilter by Annika Cicada at 12:33 PM on September 30, 2015

Apply today. OK congrats you got it. Sorry you didn't make the cut. I'm OK with that.

I think a lot of this problem is that we don't have a polite but direct way to refuse friendship, so every attempt at making new friends is a Guess Culture dance of not knowing if that person really enjoys your company or not. The stupid "are they really just busy or is this a slow fade?" problem from the dating world feels even more desperate when making... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by almostmanda at 8:52 AM on September 30, 2015

He followed me back and has liked nearly all of the pictures I've posted since then.

Having crossed the "should I use some low-grade detective work to identify this viola player I've never met" creepiness Rubicon, you seem to have as good a green light as you're going to get to message him, so you might as well give it a shot
posted to Ask MetaFilter by prize bull octorok at 11:02 AM on September 30, 2015 marked best answer

Yeah, I've had people complain that the captions are "annoying" for them, and I'm like, wow, I wonder what that must be like, to be annoyed by not being able to see the incredibly vital bottom 2 inches of the screen, I bet it's way more annoying than not being able to understand what anyone is saying without turning the volume up to totally unacceptable levels.
posted to MetaFilter by poffin boffin at 9:10 AM on September 29, 2015

I think Buzzfeed has the ultimate solution: 14 Cats Washing Dishes - These polite felines don’t mind helping with the after-dinner chores.
posted to MetaFilter by dorothyisunderwood at 4:02 AM on September 29, 2015

I will add that it's really pretty nice.

I treat relaxing as an honest to god hobby, though, so making sure I'm actually consistently able to just do nothing has got a pretty high priority.
posted to MetaFilter by phunniemee at 1:42 PM on September 28, 2015

You know that feeling you get in your gut when you are about to do something you are nervous about. You know, butterflies, like before giving a presentation, or at a job interview, or going on a date? I have that feeling absolutely all the time, 24/7, non-fucking-stop. It is draining.
posted to MetaFilter by anothermug at 6:29 PM on September 28, 2015

I have no problem walking, lying down or jumping on the glass floor at the CN tower because I have faith in the engineers who worked on it and the financial consequences for the CN tower should the floor fail and I fall to my death. Deservedly or not I don't have the same faith for this, and I can't think of a way to convince myself otherwise.
posted to MetaFilter by any portmanteau in a storm at 6:59 AM on September 26, 2015

A call to a local domestic violence hotline may help put you in touch with resources and inform you of your rights. Depending on your location, you may have certain rights to get out of a lease early -- there's some info here.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rainbowbrite at 12:21 PM on September 22, 2015

I secretly hope folks revert to old-timey slang after I leave:
"Gee whiz, what a swell dame! That gal's jake by me!"
posted to MetaFilter by Diagonalize at 10:58 AM on September 22, 2015

Today in sick burns: as relayed by 538's Significant Digits, The Week notes that Walker's campaign (at 70 days) didn't even last as long as the famously-short Kim Kardashian-Kris Humphries marriage (72 days).
posted to MetaFilter by psoas at 8:33 AM on September 22, 2015

"Huh. I guess misandry IS real."
posted to MetaFilter by divined by radio at 8:24 AM on September 22, 2015

Cynically, I wonder if you just renamed or redescribed/tweaked your customer service process to sound more personal/high-end, if that would be enough. Like, give them the name and direct number of one or two people at customer service, and call it the Concierge Luxury Direct Line 5000, and call the service call the White Glove Personal Expert Housecall and try to be sure the most socially-savvy service tech handles it?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by LobsterMitten at 8:28 AM on September 22, 2015

Wisconsin can have him back. Sorry.

*sob*
posted to MetaFilter by drezdn at 2:17 PM on September 21, 2015