MetaFilter

If were you in my town, I would tell you get to over to my house right this very second. Get out of there.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Hildegarde at 6:04 PM on August 23, 2015

Wow I'm kind of scared for you, reading this. And I feel like you wouldn't have posted it if there wasn't a voice inside you telling you to be scared too. Do you want us to tell you you'd be right to pack a bag and go stay with friends while you look for a new place? And only go back - to get stuff, to move, whatever - with a friend with you? Because that's what I think you should do.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fingersandtoes at 5:46 PM on August 23, 2015

If you're free during the day, your best bet is to go down to the city planning and zoning offices and ask them to explain this to you. You should also be able to get them to give you a copy of your town's zoning ordinance, which will spell out exactly that Low Density and Constrained Residential zoning mean in your specific city. What zone you are in will define things like your minimum lot size, whether you are allowed accessory dwelling units (ADUs -- aka granny shacks), whether you're... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by pie ninja at 2:26 PM on August 20, 2015

Unfortunately, you're going to have to work through their dumb case process. You're going to need to send them as much of the documents they ask for with THE NAME THAT YOU WANT ON YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT on them.

"But, Juliet, my birth certificate/library card/checks don't have the name I want on my Facebook account on them!"

Man, that's unfortunate. If only, if only there was widely-available software that allowed you to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Juliet Banana at 9:01 AM on August 19, 2015

As to the importance of the survey, I am just reading this article by someone who appears to be a Mefite.
posted to MetaFilter by roomthreeseventeen at 9:25 AM on August 19, 2015

And thus all the classic theme users die alone in holes...
posted to MetaFilter by Artw at 1:35 PM on August 18, 2015

Trans Men's Voices Belong in the Trans Youth Suicide Conversation
46% of trans men have attempted suicide
Trans Lifeline
posted to MetaFilter by thetortoise at 2:59 PM on August 17, 2015

Possible subtitle: "Gendered Social Expectations Will Kill Us All".

I believe this is the only comment that I am qualified to make as a transgender, masculine person who is finding themselves bewildered with everyone's stories. I felt the same way reading the Emotional Labor thread. I feel like being transgender enables you to escape these social pressures because, for me at least, I have this awareness that some subset of society will never view me as the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by sevenofspades at 6:56 PM on August 16, 2015

On the other hand puppies increase happiness forever and ever. TAKE THAT, BABIES.
posted to MetaFilter by erratic meatsack at 1:56 PM on August 14, 2015

Smoke said: "I certainly don't meet the stereotypes on nearly every level. And yet, as I've gotten older, this is one thing where - through no conscious effort - I totally meet the cliche. I have hardly any friends I talk to or see regularly (multiple interstate moves hasn't helped things, I might add)."

Exactly so. I found this happened to me when I was busy with a full-time job. It was just so much easier to go on auto-pilot, advancing your career while... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by storybored at 8:53 PM on August 15, 2015

STRESS FANTASY: I work for a company like Amazon, as described in the article (you could also substitute working for, say, Scott Kern). I live a simple, spartan lifestyle, in which my fridge contains only seltzer and my freezer contains only ground coffee. I become mentally tough and impervious to social aggression, and develop a caustic, snappy wit. People try to tear me down but their barbs bounce off my newly hardened psychological exterior. I socialize little and do almost nothing outside of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by en forme de poire at 3:29 PM on August 15, 2015

Drummond dealt with it all in the only way he knew – hold it in. He was never one for breaking down in tears and rolling around on the floor. He didn’t have any close male friends he could talk to, and even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have said anything.

I think this part is key. Men typically have fewer close friendships and get most of their emotional support from their partners.[1] Add notions of masculinity that discourage showing sadness or... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Wemmick at 2:16 PM on August 15, 2015

“A man is removing himself from the world. It’s a sense of enormous failure and shame. The masculine gender feels they’re responsible for providing and protecting others and for being successful. When a woman becomes unemployed, it’s painful, but she doesn’t feel like she’s lost her sense of identity or femininity. When a man loses his work he feels he’s not a man.”

It’s a notion echoed by the celebrated psychologist Professor Roy Baumeister, whose theory of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Drinky Die at 1:34 PM on August 15, 2015

Battered-women's shelters generally are 100% women, with men providing off-site courses/childcare.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Jesse the K at 12:15 PM on August 14, 2015

Received an incredibly expensive plumbing bill for two hour's worth of work.


I expected to read a four or five digit total here. A hair under three hundred bucks is well within reason.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Sternmeyer at 1:42 PM on August 14, 2015

I think you need to chalk this up to a lesson learned.

For under $300 a (I assume) highly trained, highly skilled, licensed professional came to your house and did work that you were unable or unwilling to do yourself. He worked with (I assume) gas fixtures and water under pressure. He did this (I assume) without blowing up or flooding your house.

Next time you might want to contact a couple different plumbers and inquire about their hourly... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bondcliff at 12:01 PM on August 14, 2015

It's also interesting to note -- as the New Republic link points out -- that Rush Limbaugh is now openly using White Nationalist vocabulary and code-words on his radio show.

I mean, we've always known he's racist, but it's always been a deniable kind of racism. "Oh when I said "thugs" I meant criminals of all kinds, no particular skin color, etc. etc."

He's literally *this close* to dropping "88's" and "14... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Avenger at 3:15 PM on August 13, 2015

qcubed: "It's a similar problem we see with other comedians and comics, from Stewart, to Louis CK, to Patton Oswalt, and while I'm not going to say that they're above reproach, I find it difficult to really agree with the reactions that border on, "They are terrible people and they should feel bad and you should too if you like them." (I realize that nobody's making that argument explicitly here, but some statements do seem to give that impression on a cursory read.)... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by koeselitz at 12:24 AM on August 14, 2015

I would totally Not Be Sad if someone awesome did a round-up of caring and activism and self-care links as a giant FPP and timed it to post the very last day of this post as a somewhat unofficial round two....

I would offer to do it except I have to go file divorce papers today.
posted to MetaFilter by dorothyisunderwood at 7:35 PM on August 13, 2015

100% would not put this in your profile. I don't think that dating someone who is responsibly dealing with an illness is even remotely a dealbreaker for a reasonable person, and there's no reason to put your medical status out there on a dating site.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by roomthreeseventeen at 8:54 AM on August 14, 2015

Survey says . . . BLEAARGGH
posted to Ask MetaFilter by HotToddy at 6:32 PM on August 13, 2015

and you know - all these allusions to violence from the people who think we've gone too far in criticizing colbert are pretty fucking unseemly when you consider who is actually in danger from actual violence.
posted to MetaFilter by nadawi at 4:57 PM on August 13, 2015

the idea of trans women as tricksters is one that is responsible for the murder of a giant number of trans women. until they stop dying in such huge numbers no jokes about trans women tricking people are ok. if you don't think those jokes are that bad then i suggest you spend some time learning about the women we've lost this year.
posted to MetaFilter by nadawi at 4:56 PM on August 13, 2015

the hyperbole is insane from the "perfect is the enemy of the good" crowd. does stephen colbert seem to generally get "it" for a bunch of flavors of "it" - yes absolutely. does he have further to go? my god yes. trans people, genderqueer people, and allies of those groups shouldn't just sit silently and hope maybe some day our supposed progressive allies start treating us like people. agitating against a purposeful blind spot of a very influential famous dude isn't... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by nadawi at 4:04 PM on August 13, 2015

Well the alternative is looking at someone and saying "he's great!" and then not wanting to hear any possible criticism, even if it might affect people in important ways.

Um, no? There are like infinite alternatives along a spectrum, of which that is only one. There's also the alternative of saying "hey, this is an encouraging statement, coming from someone who seems to be sincerely engaged. That said, if he wants to show truly... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:25 PM on August 13, 2015

I think what is needed is to create a new, competing culture.

A different culture. A separate one. Segregated from the main culture, if you will. That's the ticket for being not treated like crap by everyone else.
posted to MetaFilter by griphus at 1:39 PM on August 13, 2015

aydeejones: “I think the way his Colbert character emulated racism and transphobia without being outwardly super-racist or homophobic is a perfectly natural caricature of what he was trying to satirize and mock.”

Sorry, but that's really taking the easy way out. Colbert makes a lot of "aren't-conservatives-transphobic" jokes, sure, but that is by far not the only kind of transphobic joke he makes. For... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by koeselitz at 1:21 PM on August 13, 2015

I mean, it's great that he intends to treat women like human beings on his talk show, but are we really so fucked up that he's supposed to get kudos for that? Shouldn't that just be a given?
posted to MetaFilter by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 12:44 PM on August 13, 2015

stephen colbert is no friend to women
posted to MetaFilter by thug unicorn at 12:33 PM on August 13, 2015

Update from the OP:

Thanks for these suggestions!

I'm happy to say that our college is going to be implementing some of the changes this fall (details not clear yet, but at least the name stuff)... and just in time, because we'll apparently have our first few out trans students in this incoming class. Thank you, and if you find more examples I'll be checking back.

posted to Ask MetaFilter by LobsterMitten at 7:32 AM on August 13, 2015

Bringer Tom: The idea that socialism is bad and that nobody will accept it is based on the Red scare and the cold war fears of Russia and China, and that's what people think of when you bait them with the naked word "socialism." Remind people that Sanders' form of socialism is much more similar to the way Sweden or Norway is run and you will get at first blank stares because people in the US are too stupid to know that but when it's explained they have very consistently... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by zarq at 12:42 PM on August 12, 2015

Consult your doctors first, of course, but it looks like a low dose of an anti-anxiety med might be in order. It's helpful for many people in your situation.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by JimN2TAW at 7:10 AM on August 13, 2015

Also, just cause I'm not sure it was mentioned - Tianjin is bigger than NYC, like not quite half again as many people. I spent a night in a hotel there once as part of my first trip abroad, and I'm sorry to say I don't remember a ton about the city, but what did strike me was my own profound ignorance about the world. How could I have never heard of a city that dwarfed the biggest city in my own country? How could it be that all these millions of people in this one city had been going about... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 4:35 AM on August 13, 2015

When you're going distances of 4.5 miles (each way), a Trek 7100 hybrid is perfectly sufficient. The only reason the bike would be holding you back now is if there's something mechanically wrong with the bike (for instance, brakes rubbing against the wheel causing you to have to exert more force to get going) which should be both easily noticed and easily fixed by any bike mechanic.

I started cycling as an morbidly obese person who had never had any experience with any... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by saeculorum at 5:11 PM on August 12, 2015 marked best answer

The Safe House has a lot to answer for. It lures the hopeful in with promises of becoming a theme'd institution, but leaves off the huge amounts of luck and sharing a city with a giant geek convention for years that it takes to succeed.
posted to MetaFilter by robocop is bleeding at 2:52 PM on August 12, 2015

biggreenplant, I respect your choices and goals for raising your own kids, but I think it's a little more complex than that. Gender may be a social construct, and a spectrum, but for a lot of people it's really important for their self-definition. There's clearly a difference between the complications of gender stereotyping (affecting everyone) and the difficulties faced by people who identify as trans, agender or other non-mainstream identities.

I don't think you can... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by St. Hubbins at 8:29 AM on August 12, 2015

Actually, a curb cut is just a type of treatment for a curb. Long before curb cuts were used to enhance accessibility, they were used for driveways.
posted to MetaFilter by entropicamericana at 2:30 PM on August 11, 2015

Glad you feel better, but for the future (and anyone else reading): don't put paper towels in the toilet!!!! Put them in the garbage can!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by barnone at 7:11 AM on August 11, 2015

For folks ragging on OP about heat stroke: you are familiar with that whole thing about not leaving a child or a dog in a car on even an 80-degree day? Or a 70-degree day? Because the temperature inside can easily rise to 90+ and kill them?

Yes, you can get heat stroke from operating an un air-conditioned car in 110-degree heat. Yes, even if you roll the windows down, because it's 110 outside.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Lyn Never at 7:31 AM on August 11, 2015

I think it may be time to tell her 'That's fine, take as long as you want, as long as you stop borrowing my car, starting next Monday.' That's what I would do.


Or take the middle path of renting a car while she shops. Weekly rates are not terrible, especially if it buys you domestic harmony.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Dip Flash at 5:57 AM on August 11, 2015

I don't understand why it would take her six weeks to decide on a car. Surely your discomfort should matter to her?

I think it may be time to tell her 'That's fine, take as long as you want, as long as you stop borrowing my car, starting next Monday.' That's what I would do.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Too-Ticky at 5:53 AM on August 11, 2015

Consider that you can talk to a lawyer and after that start out pretty gentle: "Friend, I wanted to talk to you about the agreement we signed last spring. When you let me know that you were planning on selling, I went back and looked at it to see what it said. I wasn't sure how your decision to sell fit in with it, so I double-checked with a lawyer and [....]. I'd still really like to buy, and it looks like our agreement is legally binding. What are you thinking?... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:05 AM on August 11, 2015

I know I’m late to the table and we’re mainly talking about the unsent box right now. I also deeply feel all the comments from women who are DONE being the only one performing the emotional labor in their relationships and families. I’m reading this as a woman who has not until this very moment fully appreciated the value of emotional labor, at least when it comes to family and community. I’m not good at it and I’ve been actively avoiding it.

And then all I can think of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by janerica at 3:47 PM on August 10, 2015

This is where we are; the cops have so poisoned things that you can never really know if somebody they shoot/arrest was actually a dangerous person or was just someone they picked out at random and decided to go after. Given how eager they are to smear the people they shoot, how would you ever know what really happened?
posted to MetaFilter by emjaybee at 7:36 AM on August 10, 2015

However we cannot speculate properly on Cat2's symbolic reasoning, since we have not seen his photograph.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by feral_goldfish at 9:07 PM on August 9, 2015

What's best for the kid? is my take.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Iris Gambol at 6:51 PM on August 9, 2015

Wow when you put it that way those people upset about being murdered in the streets sound like a real headache to that politician!
posted to MetaFilter by shakespeherian at 5:35 PM on August 9, 2015

MLK is a very important and revered historical figure for white Americans, it does no one any good for black rabble-rousers to try to claim him as their own
posted to MetaFilter by shakespeherian at 3:43 PM on August 9, 2015

There is a very real difference between fucking up a church service when that church was actively antagonistic to gay people and fucking up a rally for someone who is sympathetic and on-board with adapting themselves to your cause.

You may be interested to learn that ACT UP was directly influenced by the Civil Rights movement, but this may be a derail.
posted to MetaFilter by rhizome at 3:34 PM on August 9, 2015

When critiquing their protest approach, consider that you're talking about intelligent adult women with experience in protest tactics, who almost certainly have spent large amounts of time brainstorming and planning how to conduct their events. Is it more likely that (a) they have never considered taking the stage at a GOP rally, or (b) for reasons of tactics, or safety, or likelihood of impact, or a million other things, they made the informed choice to do this instead?
posted to MetaFilter by sallybrown at 3:30 PM on August 9, 2015