MetaFilter

Hi OP. I have a younger brother with severe depression issues. For family reasons I am his primary day-to-day caretaker (though not wholly financially). I also have two young kids and a career so I understand where you are coming from - it's hard work to succeed and you want everyone with you to be working on those same goals with you, so that you can all flourish.

But.

This is a baby who is suffering. Who has survived unimaginable pain and that... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by blue_and_bronze at 11:24 AM on December 30, 2015

Totally disagree with hiring another mod - and I, for one, think that this will inevitably lead to the destruction of our galactic society.

Let's face facts: we have been rebelling against moderation ever since a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Yet the tyrannical empire of mods has been employing MeFi user after MeFi user, turning them to their dark "side" in an effort to crush the free alliance of non-mod MeFites with their censorship.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 9:38 PM on December 29, 2015

people who make the surgery requirement pretty much never understand what they're talking about or what they're asking for, especially when it comes to trans men.
posted to MetaFilter by nadawi at 7:11 AM on December 30, 2015

Hey, I just wanted to come back in and say not to feel too terribly if some of this feedback feels harsh. Your instinct to take your nephew away from his environment, and your being there for him when he was in the hospital, both speak really well of you. It's just that depression is a thing most people don't understand at all without experience, even if they are certain they do, and it's painful for people who have been through it to imagine someone being subjected to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by egg drop at 8:18 AM on December 30, 2015

What strikes me is that your family - and his family - are super blamey and terrible (at least terrible toward him). You've learned to be a better and more sympathetic person, but you're still coming from a family where your mother thinks it's fine to shame a kid who is in the hospital after a suicide attempt. That's the emotional structure that you've learned.

I know from experience that if you grow up in a situation with a lot of blame and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:07 AM on December 30, 2015

The fact that you are asking if special consideration should be made for his mental health tells me that you are unfit to care for this person. I think living with you would make him feel worse. Don't take him in.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by frantumaglia at 4:25 AM on December 30, 2015

Don't take this kid in, you're just going to end up resenting him or throwing him out. Don't create another failed family for him. He can't give you what you are asking (work, study, conversation) at the moment because he is so badly unwell he tried to kill himself and ended up hospitalized.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Iteki at 1:04 AM on December 30, 2015

All chaps are assless, btw.
posted to MetaFilter by peeedro at 4:39 PM on December 29, 2015

so it sounds like the issue isn't trans men at all, but steroid use in cis men? why are we talking about that?

Because obviously that means the trans men are cheating by existing. *rolls eyes*

(Guys, that's the implication, even if you don't intend it.)
posted to MetaFilter by hoyland at 4:39 PM on December 29, 2015

Trans in this context is an adjective, as is cis. Trans man. Cis man. Trans athlete. Significant whitespace.
posted to MetaFilter by Dysk at 12:29 PM on December 29, 2015

women and other female presenting people

Sorry to derail, but this phrasing is kind of gross.
posted to MetaFilter by transitional procedures at 5:16 PM on December 28, 2015

I wish I looked like them.

I've been on testosterone for about two years, because estrogen isn't my friend and t looked like a better bet. I wasn't sure if I was male or female. Still not? Woman and some sort of nebulous femininity don't fit and chafe; but at the same time the idea of being a man sometimes disgusts me.

I like some of the effects it's had on me; I don't like others.

I have friends who look like... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by you could feel the sky at 1:43 PM on December 28, 2015

Katemonkey: Having finally gotten a unisex place to do my hair more or less right, I've found the following key words useful: men's cut, ivy league, high and tight, high fade, or specifying the clipper guard numbers I want. (Although even then I often get hair dressers rounding up to #2 because they're "not comfortable" going lower on a woman, which can make to some stressful disagreements in the chair.)

And to comment generally, as a butch woman who lives... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by northernish at 10:58 AM on December 28, 2015

I don't think you can go from wanting to be desired to being "content" in what I can tell is a relationship where you don't feel desired. It sounds like you think this is all on you to just stop wanting to be desired in total so you can settle back into your relationship.

I DO think you can stop flirting with other men. But you need to communicate to your spouse about your needs. Tell him you need the spark back, that you need to flirt with him, that you need... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Crystalinne at 1:41 PM on December 27, 2015

I also ascribe to the belief that if you cannot find meaning independently in your own life, having children will not imbue meaning to it. Children grow up and have to live their own lives and suffer the same struggle to create meaning for themselves. Passing this struggle on from one generation to another never answers the question of what actually that meaning is. Each person has to find the answer within herself.

Yes, I know it probably sounds trite, but it is true.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by a strong female character at 3:10 PM on December 27, 2015

I think it's time. I upgraded from a 4s to a 6 a couple of months ago, and the improvement in battery life alone is life-changing.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ottereroticist at 6:11 PM on December 25, 2015

Makes me want to go on a camping trip.

I think I could indefinitely sustain a pattern of camping Friday-Sunday and spending Monday through Thursday simultaneously appreciating the benefits of civilization (such as plumbing, appliances, the Internet, and indoor climate control) and looking forward to the next camping trip.
posted to MetaFilter by Greg_Ace at 11:48 AM on December 24, 2015

Marriage was a big win, and access to the military was a big win, and improvements in mass media and social media presence is a big win, too, but those should be the spearhead for us to dig in for the long-term fight, which is to normalize our place in the culture alongside those who aren't regularly required to advocate for the validity of their existence and their own je ne sais quoi, and I think we'd all do a lot better to just be out there, being good, kind, everyday kinds of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by zachlipton at 2:06 PM on December 23, 2015

Thanks for putting me on the back of the bus while the rest of you all fight for the right to marry, and thanks for pulling that bus over and getting off now that you all are getting all gay happy married and shit.

thanks a lot. We'll be over here watching our black sisters being murdered in record numbers, no big deal.
posted to MetaFilter by Annika Cicada at 9:48 AM on December 23, 2015

their cause is now mainstream, generally accepted and there is no more need for lobbying

We are still being beaten to death. Denied jobs, denied housing. Some of our community are still being portrayed as terrifying rapists for wanting to use a public bathroom.

We are not mainstream. We are not generally accepted.
posted to MetaFilter by mittens at 9:45 AM on December 23, 2015

Oh man, I am so going to buy some briefs and try them out. Hope it doesn't freak out my husband too much.
posted to MetaFilter by emjaybee at 10:41 AM on December 23, 2015

Oh, straight people. Y'all are just adorable.

Really? Because I know a ton of twenty-something queers going through this shit right now.

Honestly, if anything, the social pressure to be hookup-oriented and low-commitment and chill is way stronger in queer communities, where nonmonogamy ends up being sort of a shibboleth. It's really difficult to be young and queer and interested in committed monogamous relationships, and a few... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 8:09 AM on December 23, 2015

Hey, that happened to me last year! That's my ask!

I did a name/gender court order last year and immediately (like, 30 minutes after getting out of court) went to the SSA office. Two days later I informed HR, and they had already received a no-match notification. I suspect that there is a digital notification option that works more quickly than the physical letter, so depending on what your company uses, it might be a really quick thing. So my advice is to wait on your... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by blnkfrnk at 2:29 PM on December 7, 2014 marked best answer

Both the IRS and the Social Security Administration instruct employers to continue using an employee's old name until the employee shows an updated Social Security card. Social Security Administration: "Change your payroll records only after the employee obtains an updated Social Security card with the new name." (link) IRS: "If a name has changed, continue to use the old name until the employee obtains an updated Social Security card with the new name." (link)... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Snerd at 1:51 PM on December 7, 2014 marked best answer

I regularly shop for running clothes in the "teen boys" section.

I do the same with shoes. I wear a women's 7-1/2 or 8, which translates into a boys' 6 or 6-1/2. I can get tennis shoes/hiking shoes and sandals for about half the price if I buy them in the boys' section. Bonus: No pink.
posted to MetaFilter by mudpuppie at 12:17 PM on December 22, 2015

Here is a thorough longform article from May 2006. It includes a detail that I've seen in other articles, but was never mentioned in the documentary. On the night of Halbach's disappearance, Brendan Dassey's mom Barb noticed that his jeans had a white spot on them. Brendan told his mom it was due to bleach, and that he had been helping his uncle Steve clean Steve's garage. According to this article, it was Barb's mention of Brendan's bleached jeans that got investigators interested in Brendan.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 9:19 AM on December 21, 2015

edheil- totally; the experience of using the techniques on your own terms to build better peaceful communication skills is totally different than deciding everyone around you is inferior if they aren't using these techniques to your liking (especially when you've done/doing something to hurt them and you don't like their anger).

I don't in any way want to dissuade people from learning the techniques I thought some of it was useful also. So the reaction of aversion to... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by xarnop at 6:13 PM on December 20, 2015

Remember Rue from Hunger Games? A character who was actually expressly described in the book as dark-skinned, yet unobservant/illiterate/racist idiots still threw a shitfit and demanded to know why she was cast as black in the movies.

Yes, I remember well. I also remember that, as with this current situation, there's literally nothing they can do about it.

I'm going to pass this one to John Boyega:... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:11 PM on December 20, 2015

Not being able to afford these seminars, like not being able to afford EST or other cult-like "therapies" or systems of psychobabble is one of the few blessings of being poor.
posted to MetaFilter by mermayd at 4:27 PM on December 20, 2015

It's also (and he acknowledges this) perfectly possible to take the ideas and language of NVC and just use them to be another kind of jerk -- a really enlightened and progressive sounding jerk -- so again, process is more important than ideas.

This has been my experience literally every single time I've encountered NVC, either personally or through friends.

In one case it was:

My friend: "That... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Myca at 12:47 PM on December 20, 2015

I hear there's an actual ThinkGeek store in a mall near me. It looks almost exactly like a Hot Topic from the pics online, which makes sense as they're part of the same company.

The whole thing loses its charm when you realize "Nerd Pride!" is just a subset of conspicuous consumption. It'd be nice if they sold stuff like Gakken kits, so at least you feel like you're doing something other than pro-bono work as a brand ambassador for The Walking Dead.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by mccarty.tim at 8:55 AM on December 20, 2015

Sanders has moved the Overton window to the left, and he couldn't have done that as effectively as an independent. I'm very glad to see him making these waves within the DNC.
posted to MetaFilter by Dashy at 7:18 PM on December 19, 2015

I should have said, so long as neither party knowingly harms the other, the responsibility for making incorrect assumptions belongs to the person making those assumptions. These rulings send the message to trans people that simply being themselves harms others, which is incredibly cruel and has no rational basis whatsoever.
posted to MetaFilter by sanedragon at 10:26 PM on December 18, 2015

I am disgusted with how many people are coming out of the woodwork basically to point out that criminalizing someone because they're trans is ok. I am trying really hard to do "constructive commentary" in the "spirit of MeFi" but I am fucking grossed out and appalled and angry at the level of transphobic stuff on display in this thread couched in "Lol just CURIOUS ABOUT THE LAWS" or "Well Actually" language. After all these shitshow threads on mefi this... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by beefetish at 5:04 PM on December 18, 2015

There is an unstated assumption in a lot of school-integration literature that putting children of color next to white children will somehow make children of color "do better" in school.

As others have stated, this is a proven fact.

One that I imagine has do to with the parents of the white kids willing to put more money into those schools which was really the whole point of integration in the first place. It was... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by dances with hamsters at 1:50 PM on December 18, 2015

Holy shit! I played this a lot, only with tanks instead of spaceships!

That's really all I have to contribute.
posted to MetaFilter by bondcliff at 9:18 AM on December 18, 2015

It sucks being trans for a whole boatload of various reasons and the dysphoria and performance anxiety that comes with genitalia that doesn't match up with how "shit should work down there" can create some additional problems that are sometimes impossible to fully overcome.

This case is WAY WAY more complicated than failure to get proper consent. This is a complete failure of the relationship from the get-go in so many ways.

Which,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Annika Cicada at 9:01 AM on December 17, 2015

Who are these people who can afford not to cook? We had another post on the Blue about this recently.

We have these threads like 17 times per year. And every time, the cookers are like "who are these people?" and every time, us non-cookers tell the cookers "hi, I'm that guy, it's called eating things that don't require cooking, like yogurt/salad/cheese/popcorn/PBJ/whatever," and every time, someone calls us "idiots" and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:02 AM on December 17, 2015

If quitting just isn't an option. Stop caring. You're planning to quit anyway so who cares if they fire you? They ask you to do something that is outside your job - direct them to the person whose job it is. They have a go at you for it, shrug and get on with your actual job.

They can only get to you if you let them. Do your job and nothing more. Don't take responsibility for problems that aren't your fault and don't apologise for it. Don't let them get to you. Remind... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by missmagenta at 3:09 AM on December 16, 2015

It's just a joke that we can't answer pet questions without pictures. It's a ploy to get pics of sweet & naughty pets alike.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sweetkid at 10:10 PM on December 14, 2015

I'm driving a Ford Focus and I purposely got a lower trim level to avoid the flashy touchscreen display

Touchscreens in cars should be illegal. I don't understand how they're allowed. Why would you take a system that is primarily tactile and can be operated by muscle memory and replace it with something constantly changing that requires that you actually look. What could go wrong?
posted to MetaFilter by If only I had a penguin... at 5:36 PM on December 14, 2015

She occasionally stops if I pick her up and pet her in bed but she starts up again when I drift off. And frequently she just runs around the room when I try to pick her up instead.

I would absolutely stop giving her any attention when she does this. Even if she jumps on the bed, just ignore her. The only attention she gets is if you decide to lock her out of your room when she wakes you up (which you can totally do, but be prepared for her to try to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by litera scripta manet at 8:11 AM on December 14, 2015

I am so sorry for people who wake up at 7:30 am on average.

I saw that and thought "Wow, how indulgent!" and now I feel sad.
posted to MetaTalk by Ufez Jones at 7:30 AM on December 9, 2015

Is it a socially acceptable norm for a non-married man to wear hand jewelry?

Oh HELL yeah. There's even an article on the concept in the Art Of Manliness website, and if that isn't an endorsement, I don't know what is.

I suspect you may be trying to confirm whether it's still "a thing" that a man wearing a ring was a sort of "code" to indicate ones' sexuality, but that's not necessarily a Thing any... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by EmpressCallipygos at 8:47 AM on December 11, 2015 marked best answer

I guess this is also a good place for this story:

I was working at a coffee shop in college and my major, major, only-a-teenager-is-capable-of-this-level-of-crush crush was ordering coffee from me. Upon hearing his order I turn around, get a paper bag, and pour a large amount of hot coffee directly into the paper bag. And then when I realize what I've done I turn around, trip on something and fall flat on my face (and the bag of coffee). In front of The Hottest Person... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by BuddhaInABucket at 3:52 PM on November 4, 2015

I once saw what I thought was an acquaintance, 'Dan', in a museum when I was on holiday in Vienna. I walked up to him, waving, saying "Hi, Dan! I didn't expect to see you here! What are you doing in -"

Then I stopped, partly because I realised that I had an audience of horrified onlookers and partly because I had been warmly greeting a waxwork of Cro-Magnon Man.
posted to MetaFilter by Rissa at 2:33 PM on November 4, 2015

Me to a Brand New Client: "OK bye, love you!"

...
posted to MetaFilter by DarlingBri at 2:32 PM on November 4, 2015

I don't think "disagreement that is phrased in polite tones and gets worked through" is the same as "making the conversation worse". I think if we were all yelling at each other and assuming bad faith, that would make the conversation worse.

I do think that while Soloway and Myles have a high level of scrutiny applied to their work, we here are not scrutinizing them any harder than they'd be scrutinized at any non-transphobic... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:27 AM on December 10, 2015

Oh man. Masculinity is a profoundly weird thing to live inside. Thanks to those who have shared.

My conversations and friendships with trans men and women, and non-binary folks, have been liberating. Seeing other people's relationships with masculinity helps me triangulate my own.
posted to MetaFilter by sixswitch at 9:33 PM on December 9, 2015

I'm a bit surprised by their use of photos of sausages to spell the word "Men" at the top of the article

I am not. The implicit assumption that all men have penises and all women have vaginas is everywhere.
posted to MetaFilter by sevenofspades at 8:52 PM on December 9, 2015