MetaFilter

What is actually going on with men, right now?

I am watching a Judy Garland Christmas special and drinking a nice Bordeaux.
posted to MetaFilter by octobersurprise at 7:30 PM on December 9, 2015

And it irritates me when feminist queer women say that they "wanted to be boys" when they were little/young and equate this with being trans. I "wanted to be a boy" when I was being a little girl, because boys got to do more and didn't have to wear dresses and got more respect and were the heroes of books and so on. That's totally different from the set of feelings I associate with wanting to transition, which are different from and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:18 AM on December 9, 2015

How times have changed - as recently as, say, 2007 or so I would never have known who Eileen Myles was dating. (It's Soloway.)

On the other hand, I wouldn't have had to know about Myles's sort of annoying comments about trans men:

The next “Feminist Power Award” was given to Aydian Dowling, a muscular transgender man who had started a YouTube channel called Beefheads Fitness and who had been voted Men’s Health’s “Ultimate Guy.” He wore... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:37 PM on December 8, 2015

I hate him, SO much... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths... Heathing...
posted to MetaFilter by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 7:24 AM on December 9, 2015

In short, one is a man who doesn't respect women's opinions, threatens their safety and created a situation where you felt uncomfortable in your own home - and the other one is James.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Jubey at 3:43 PM on December 8, 2015

Nthing others.

Also, you need to be very sure that your boyfriend understands that the only thing James needs to know is that the studio is unavailable, for whatever impersonal reason you decide on. Wiring sounds good.

James MUST NOT under ANY circumstances have even the most remote breath of an idea that this came from you. Make it clear in no uncertain terms to your boyfriend that it is completely unnecessary to tell James... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fraula at 3:22 PM on December 8, 2015

Totally disagree with Happy news: we're hiring. Specifically, a (etc). And I, for one, think that it will inevitably lead to the destruction of our society.

If we focus our forensic attentions on the details of this employment prospectus, we can clearly see that it encourages applications for a moderator to "weak" the "ends" of "US daytime," and to "add a little wiggle room to the current daytime schedule". In other words, the dark... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 6:42 AM on December 8, 2015

#1 Quidnunc Kid?
posted to MetaTalk by Joseph Gurl at 6:43 PM on December 7, 2015

We've been talking lately about more diversity in the mod gang. I am rooting for you guys finding someone ideally hitting all the right buttons and perhaps growing some big white wings and sprouting a halo too?
posted to MetaTalk by infini at 1:42 PM on December 7, 2015

Yes, ask her re: the possibility of an overdue bill. I usually associate certified mail with something financial or legal, rather than test results.
(P.S., I'm the health-anxious type too, so I empathize. And I hate coming home to any annoying letter I can't call about til next day.)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by NorthernLite at 4:24 PM on December 7, 2015

I am just looking for a used dildo...what is all this?
posted to MetaFilter by cortex at 11:27 AM on December 7, 2015

My (9-year-old) son would spend all day watching other people open packages of Pokemon cards on YouTube if I let him. When I was a kid, my grandparents would kick me out of the house and tell me to find something to do outside. If the differences between those two experiences of childhood don't lead to some pretty serious differences in developmental outcomes, it'd be a pretty surprising result to me. For one thing, my son (who we think probably inherited my ADD and definitely suffers more from... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by saulgoodman at 10:54 AM on December 5, 2015

Um. The meteorological dress in question is not sleeveless. It has sleeves.

Oh.
posted to MetaFilter by non canadian guy at 9:11 AM on December 6, 2015

You cannot do any good for yourself in an exit interview. If the company wanted to change, they'd have either created an environment where you wanted to stay or they would have listened to the necessary changes and chosen not to sack you. All that you can do in an exit interview is decrease the likelihood that your now former company will give you a positive recommendation a few years from now, or attempt to deny you unemployment. No matter what - say nothing. Resist the urge to be honest. If... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Nanukthedog at 5:12 PM on December 5, 2015

I am so sorry you had to go through that, martin wisse. It sounds so brutal and tough and to have to live with that. You have my hugs, as many as you want.

That said:
"Yeah, I like that the post here didn't mention this, because in this context it doesn't matter. "

It does matter to me as someone who is trans and was while dating: physically threatened, verbally abused, treated like my feelings were meaningless, treated like... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Annika Cicada at 8:55 AM on August 28, 2015

I was not expecting this article to be about a trans couple. That was a very difficult read. Yes I cried. Hard.

It is harrowing and difficult for trans people to find good, solid, partners who *get it*. Who are friends and lovers and everything and so much more to each other. When that type of love is found, nurtured and developed, the relationship is shared in a way that is so deeply committed and profound, because it's not like there's a bar on every corner where... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Annika Cicada at 5:01 PM on August 27, 2015

I think your response makes a lot of sense. That is, he isn't important enough to be angered by.

What would bother me most if I were you is that he picked you up, poked you (?!), and ruffled your hair. He doesn't have the right to touch you. If you see him again and he tries to touch you, I'd tell him to take his hands off and never talk to you again.

Another important point: as women, we're trained to try to understand men's motivations. Men are... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by 3491again at 7:59 AM on December 6, 2015

And those numbers are only those that scientists at the CDC were allowed to collect. Can't be allowed to threaten the Second Amendment with science.

responsible gun owners need to be reassured

seriously. what's the responsible reason to need to own a handgun of any kind? If you think it's blah-blah-blah self-defense or whatever, you are as clear in your research and arguments as the anti-vax crowd. That... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by philip-random at 8:52 AM on December 3, 2015

45-50 years ago, smoking was an unthinking way of life among a lot of of white middle-class Americans. I'll speak for that group because I don't have enough info about others.

Now? Not so much. A combination of tax increases and simply making it more difficult to find public places to smoke did the trick. In other words: the gubmint (specifically, state and local governments) stepped in, followed by private enterprise when non-smokers started to outnumber smokers.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Sheydem-tants at 8:18 AM on December 3, 2015

I know I've been making a big deal about this recently, but it really is concerning: we're now reaching a point where the the right to bear arms is being used as a lever, both by private citizens and occasionally governmental powers-that-be, to effectively neuter other rights. I'm not only talking about the ones directly in opposition to poorly-made gun laws, such as threatening women who support gun control , or try to intimidate legislators who oppose ineffective or more dangerous laws like... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by zombieflanders at 7:44 AM on December 3, 2015

What that doesn't acknowledge, of course, is that women are more at risk from intimate partners than from random assailants. The person from whom the daughter is most likely to need protecting is him.
posted to MetaFilter by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:20 AM on December 3, 2015

Jacqueline wrote: You can argue that the Australian gun ban significantly reduced mass shootings but claiming that it ended them entirely is just a lie.

Adept256's statement was incorrect, but calling it "a lie" implies that you have access to his internal beliefs. The "no mass shootings" claim has been widely reported; maybe he was repeating a report like that, maybe he was just mistaken.

You linked to... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Joe in Australia at 1:50 AM on December 3, 2015

I seriously am losing hope

- three week news moratorium: web, tv, radio, print...
- take a walk outside everyday
- snuggle your kid/cat/goldfish/partner. a lot.
posted to MetaFilter by j_curiouser at 11:24 PM on December 2, 2015

> I disagree with the NRA on a lot of issues, but I don't see how they hurt me as a gun owner.

Because they push lies and bullshit and panic and fear. Because they obstruct even reasonable safety and restriction regulations that most gun owners say are good things. Because they are not on your side. They are on their side: their side is power and money.
posted to MetaFilter by rtha at 9:51 PM on December 2, 2015

As a teenager, I had outside cats. Who, it being awhile ago, had flea collars. They had to be replaced incredibly frequently because any collar that's cat-safe HAS to be able to come off, or else they can strangle if it gets caught on something outside. Any collar that your cat can't get off is a danger.

There should be no outside cats. Indoor cats should be chipped and feral cats should be tipped, and that would functionally solve most of this. The reason people... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Sequence at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2015

I like the slogan and shirt out of context but want to mention for those less familiar with the history of radical feminism that several of the people associated with the shirt are major TERF figures and transphobes. Dobkin and Cowan at least have remained so to the present day. (See here for one example.)
posted to MetaFilter by thetortoise at 12:04 AM on December 1, 2015

Wouldn't that be nice if it were your team? Imagine if sports teams were run through some sort of municipal/private partnership. You could have a board of directors and shareholders, just like other companies that are traded on public exchanges.

Is this not the Green Bay Packers?
posted to MetaFilter by dogwalker at 8:42 AM on December 1, 2015

Working to live is a great strategy. Someone who wants to down tools at 5pm and go home to look after their kids/go to rehearsal/watch the skies has my respect. But not everyone who works extra hours is a blind fool, or a victim of wage theft. Sometimes it's a rational, moral or emotionally-rooted choice that makes a lot of sense.

Stockholm syndrome.

If you have no shareholder stake in your employer, and you give your labor... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by yesster at 1:28 PM on November 30, 2015

Carly Fiorina's twitter feed is a hot mess.

I just went there and there's a tweet that says "Want to see Carly live?" And for a moment I thought it meant live (verb) instead of live (adjective, long i). Which was really quite a question.
posted to MetaFilter by mochapickle at 7:19 AM on November 29, 2015

It's easy to focus on "does he like me?" but what you should worry about is "do I like him?" Getting yourself worked up trying to keep some dude's interest is a really easy way to overlook red flags early on. Check in with yourself regularly and make sure that you're happy.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by phunniemee at 1:57 PM on November 29, 2015

Fucking Kevin.
posted to MetaFilter by pretentious illiterate at 2:48 PM on November 28, 2015

Oh, and if anyone is thinking of getting a car today for the Black Friday deals, please go to carbuyingtips.com first.

Shell out the $50 to get the software, do the math, know the tricks, and keep from getting screwed. Best ROI on time and money out there in car land.
posted to MetaFilter by leotrotsky at 8:26 AM on November 27, 2015

car sales is terrible. if you have to buy through a dealership, it's probably best to contact a bunch of them online, collect bids via email and only go to the dealership with your out-the-door price offer in hand. absolutely do not wander into a dealership without an offer in hand. do not speak to them on the phone. basically, lash yourself to the mast and pour wax in your ears, lest they entice you with their offers of nitrogen-filled tires and extended warranties.
posted to MetaFilter by indubitable at 7:42 AM on November 27, 2015

If anything it's pranking the left side of the political spectrum by using Marx's words to funnel money into a Murdoch enterprise via advertising dollars.
posted to MetaFilter by codacorolla at 6:58 PM on November 26, 2015

People who are actually working-class but think they are middle-class get het up about Black Friday like 'hey, let's go buy some cheap shit' (so do people who just like to get het up about shit). People who are actually upper-middle-class but think they are middle-class get het up about Black Friday like 'hey, let's boycott this thing' (so do people who just like to get het up about shit, also folks who are into Buy Nothing Day and Black Twitter and shit).
posted to MetaFilter by box at 6:00 PM on November 26, 2015

> you'd be seriously challenged to find more than 5% of couples on the planet who never yelled at each other occasionally in arguments

Because I am a creepy looky-loo, I lurk on a group for people in trouble with the law. This idea is common there. People will be arrested, charged, for various domestic altercations. Remorse is rare, but "What couple doesn't fight now and then!" is common. (In re. an assault charge apropos of a physical fight between two... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kmennie at 2:40 PM on November 27, 2015

(Also, for what it's worth, I would not describe arguments that involve swearing and shouting every few months to be "occasional," and I definitely wouldn't consider it "normal." I would have left you the first time I felt the need to yell or swear at you, and probably the second time you yelled or swore at me (because the first time, I'd tell you to stop, and then I'd give you a second chance, and if that didn't work, I'd leave). Because I don't do that. And I don't stay... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by decathecting at 1:42 PM on November 27, 2015

Are sporadic lover's quarrels capable of being characterised as "abusive"?

Yes, absolutely they can be. But I don't think we have anywhere near enough information to give you any sense of whether people would categorize yours that way. Sometimes, yelling and swearing and blaming are abusive. Sometimes they're just people being upset in pretty routine ways. And because the word "abuse," when referring to verbal or emotional abuse... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by decathecting at 1:34 PM on November 27, 2015

I am struggling with how to phrase this in a supportive manner, because I totally get dealing with loved ones with mental health stuff going on, and I also sympathize with feeling disrespected in household cleaning and maintenance. I get it. I do. But honestly, from your "above the fold" text, I was convinced the rest of the post was going to be "drank two six-packs, then drove home without buckling the baby into the car seat." Or "hit the neighbors dog while backing out... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by instamatic at 3:55 AM on November 26, 2015

I do taxes. What these things play on is how mind-bendingly scared people are of the IRS. We have to reassure them all the time that even when you owe back taxes and stuff, the IRS is one of the easiest creditors to deal with. The interest rates are not insane, and it's easy to get a reasonable payment plan, and even when you've done incredibly stupid stuff, they take forever and a half to get around to actually seizing anything. And we're talking there about things like failure to deposit... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Sequence at 6:08 PM on November 25, 2015

Bonus points if you're an engineer employee and can vouch that you'd like to receive this from your boss.

$50 in cash, in an envelope with your company logo on it. I believe this fits all your requirements, especially the "something they use" requirement.

The only thing employees want is cash.
The only thing engineers want is cash.
The only thing anyone wants from their work is cash.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by saeculorum at 3:34 PM on November 25, 2015

I can't think of anything I've seen that would give you a really good idea from start to finish--a lot of the boring stuff gets elided. So here's a sample of my day, starting at the end of the night before.

Pretty much the last thing I do at the end of my day is check my station for what I need to make tomorrow (and be mindful of what I need to start tomorrow that will be finished the day after), then check the walk-in and dry stores for anything I need chef to order for... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:30 AM on November 23, 2015

From a woman who loves men's clothing.

LL Bean has a no questions asked returns policy if things fray too quickly or don't fit right. Ralph Lauren and Brooks Brothers do have nice quality stuff, but don't go for logos. Try to find on sale.

Do know your shirt size (e.g. 16 1/2 32) by heart and then you can do quick searches for your size when nice stuff goes on clearance.

Generally speaking, a shirt looks better by... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jfwlucy at 6:38 PM on November 24, 2015

You'll want to poke around this site for a while: dappered.com

Don't feel like you have to put together the super snappy looks they show on the site but they have a lot of good advice and it's easy to pick up on the elements of those looks to figure out toned down versions that won't make you look like you belong in an office instead on at a fashion shoot.

2nd'ing Brooks Brothers shirts. If you can manage it, head into a BB store to figure out... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by VTX at 5:18 PM on November 24, 2015

my friends i assure you the answer is simple: benzos
posted to MetaFilter by poffin boffin at 8:47 PM on November 23, 2015

I also highly encourage that if people want to donate to support transgender people in unfortunate circumstances, please look into your local transgender health clinics and LGBTQ shelters, which support trans people who are displaced or forced out of their homes by unsupportive families. I don't really recommend donating to really large nonprofits, since they don't often work hyperlocally. There are also signal boosts and personal fundraising websites, if you search for it.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by yueliang at 2:21 PM on November 20, 2015

It's not even NLP-levels of programming. It's branding/marketing levels of programming. Trump's slogan is "Make America Great Again", which is fantastic. Trump talks about things he's going to do, powerfully and confidently, even if those things are horrifying. Hillary's slogan is "Hillary for America," which isn't exactly going to convince anyone that's not already on board with her. Most of her talking points have been...how great she is, which is the same thing as her... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Ghostride The Whip at 1:58 PM on November 15, 2015

I totally understand his obsession and, to be honest, I've never let myself get started with Christmas village stuff because I don't think I could stop. As a child, I adored my brother's train set. Actually, I didn't really care about the trains but I loved building the surrounding towns and landscapes. And in 7th grade, the art teacher asked us to "draw where we wanted to live." One by one, kids conducted tours of their imaginary dwellings, with their hot tubs and home theaters.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by carmicha at 10:05 AM on November 15, 2015

Except they can and do use it, since many routine checkups are covered.

This is what I mean by table scraps. Why should people on 'Bronze' plans be grateful and enthusiastic when they can see people on the Gold plans and people on Medicaid not having to worry about whether their insurance classifies a doctor's visit as a routine checkup or not?

The politics of this are crystal clear. The ACA could have fixed it by making sure... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ennui.bz at 10:04 AM on November 15, 2015

There is no such thing as medical billing. It's all smoke and mirrors and negotiations.
posted to MetaFilter by roomthreeseventeen at 10:03 AM on November 15, 2015